humorous-quotations

Money can't buy love, except on Valentine__ Day.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Love came, it saw, and it conquered me.

Get high on love, not drugs.

An inch to a man__ heart is a mile to his wallet.

Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.

Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. __hat doesn__ look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You__e a lesbian, get in there and do battle._ __hat does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?_ __wo women live together, who kills the vermin?_ Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. __he pest control people, that__ who._ __utch up and get your ass in there. I won__ tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl._ ____ a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you._ Ryann pointed to her face. __ote the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses._ __here weren__ any squirrels in that dirt with me! I__l pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents._ Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. __t__ most likely under the couch. Where__ Grant?_ __fter-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins._ Ryann stared at her in horror. __hat is wrong with your kids?

Only love will attract love.__ Amunhotep El Bey

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go.""You just got here.""Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress.""You're making that up.""I'm not.""So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?

A bug lies in quiet repose;when he passed no one knows.Did he suffer, was he pained?Before he died, was knowledge gained?Were all life__ pressures much too great.To put upon so small a weight?Although not one for pessimism,I think he died of journalism!

This is unacceptable! We__e English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn't be! - Governor Dewar

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:"He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

My mind ran over everything that had happened lately, and running on such thoughts made even my feet hurt.

He was king, if he didn__ have enemies he wasn__ doing it right.

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt