humorous-quotations

I doubt you would recognize an adventure of any sort if it came right up and bit you on the a---Mother!I was going to say arm.

Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

...every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition ("That would be my husband", was the standard comment).

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn__ mean you have done something wrong, but it__ probably because you__e wearing your little brother__ underwear.

Suddenly, the double doors of the parlor whooshed open. A large fleshy woman stood before me in full regalia. Her eyes were all made up, earrings and bracelets jangling. The sign in the window said Miss Sadie was a medium. From the look of her, I'd say that was a bit wishful.

Give a man a beer, the remote and a La-Z-Boy and he__ a happy camper! All Things Caveman humor cartoon book will help you understand that hairy guy beside you.

Owning a drone does not a pilot make.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

Wow,_ says Peter, __hen your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.

Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?

Pardon me Mam,I'm new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?

Tell them I have the headache--no, the plague! I need something nice and contagious.

How beautiful would history have been if it could be written beforehand and then acted out like drama!

EWI: Emailing While Intoxicated

When I am alone, I drink my tea with pinkie raised, like a kid playing "tea party." At times, a fancy British accent is involved. Dahling!

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.