funny-as-hell

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,_ Bones added. __side from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of __ow many chucks could a woodchuck chuck_ to make me want to stake myself.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn__ that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

The problem is, these days you have to listen to too many parts of your body. Sometimes I go with my gut feeling, some say go with what your heart says - it's only a matter of time before my appendix will have an opinion. This is probably why there are so many helplines these days. No one knows who to bloody listen to!

I think we're avoiding the most important question here. What matters most. What means the most to men like us." Conall growled at Billy Dunwich's sincere face. "I am not telling you if she swallows."Dunwich smiled. "Just tell me if she's a good girl...or if she's a very good girl?

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.

Are you wearing space pants?" Miranda asked him."What?"How did it end? oh, right. "Because your butt is fine."He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. "I think-" he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before saying, "I think the line is 'because your butt is out of this world.""Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but i got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but i must have gotten them confused. He just kept staring at her.

Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

This was one of those non-glamorous parts about college that people never tell you about - worrying that the dilapidated apartment hosting a party would fall apart with you in it.

I'm beginning to think my name has been changed to 'Damn it' or 'Asshole'" Styxx

She stared into his eyes and announced, __ good-bye kiss.__t was at that Raid stopped dead. __hat?___aiden, the gig is up,_ she declared, and Raid closed his eyes.Jesus, how could the woman be so infuriating and so fucking cute all at once?He opened his eyes and asked, __he gig is up?__he leaned into him and hissed, __es.__uck, he wanted to kiss her.He also wanted to shak

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt

Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!

If life is unfair with everyone, doesn__ that make life fair

Get your filthy paws off my son, feet pue tan!" Cherise

We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home

She thinks you're stalking me.""Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is.

I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why."Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.*** "Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.