Robin Alexander

...You agreed we would be fearless together. I__ gonna need you to keep your promise,_ Haley said a little loudly. Falon__ office door opened, and Del stepped inside. __ heard a raised voice,_ she said and gave Haley the eye. __ere you out there listening to our conversation?_ Falon snapped. __es,_ Del said unabashedly with her gaze locked on Haley. ____ Falon__ bodyguard. Don__ let my manicure, impeccable high and lowlighted hair, and makeup fool you. I can have a shoe off my foot in less than half a second and peck you full of holes with the heel before you even know what hit you._ __el!_ Falon exclaimed as she hopped off her stool. __oney, that might__e scared me before I met Falon, but I__e let monkeys climb in my shirt, and I__ about to get a tattoo._ Haley stepped up to Del. __ring. It. On.

Falon stared at Del intently, trying to figure out what was different. As usual, Del was impeccably dressed in a lavender dress that revealed her curves. Her nail polish and shoes matched her clothing perfectly. Del__ shoulder-length blond hair looked the same. __mile at me,_ Falon said suddenly, and Del showed her teeth. __ou got Botox again._ __eah, my dentist does it at his office now. I can get my teeth cleaned and my lines erased at the same time. If I could get him to do collagen injections, I__ be set. I wish these doctors would work together. If my gynecologist worked in the same office as my dentist, I__ look like a race car in the pit. I__ get it all done in one appointment and be back on the road in no time._ Del glanced at her watch. __hat reminds me, I__ going to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation tomorrow, so I__l be late getting here in the morning._ __ould you leave your face alone? Del, you look fine._ __t__ not my face, I__ thinking about having my vagina reshaped. The other day when I was being lasered, I was staring at it in the big mirror. You can really see all your girl junk in it, but it__ kind of magnified, so I wasn__ really sure if things were as out of proportion as they seemed. When I got home, I looked at it with a hand mirror, and it still doesn__ look right to me._ Del stood and began pulling up her dress. __ou__e seen a shitload of vaginas, so I want you to tell me__ __on__ you dare whip that out in here!_ Falon covered her eyes with her hand. ____ not looking at it, Del. I__ not!_ __ome on, really?_ Del looked completely taken aback. __ou looked at my boobs._ __hat__ because you turned them loose before I realized what you were doing._ Falon waved her hand. __our lady junk is far more personal than boobs._ __ow so?_ __leavage,_ Falon blurted out. __ou wear shirts that show cleavage, that__ like a little preview. Your lady junk is a total mystery, and I want it to stay that way...

...Do you need a hug?_ Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open her arms. __ome on in._ Ryann wrapped her arms around Payton__ waist and set her chin on her shoulder. __ made that stupid Silent of the Lambs threat again, and she corrected me. That made me furious._ Payton snorted with laughter as she wrapped her arms snugly around her. __id you ever see the movie?_ __o, I don__ like serial killer flicks. Shelly told me about it._ __ didn__ think so. The killer didn__ make meat suits, he took their skin. So when you want to sound really vicious, you say something like_ ____l skin you and wear one of your ass cheeks like a beanie.__ __hat__ really gross,_ Ryann said as she continued to hold on. __ut I suppose ____l snap you like a broomstick_ doesn__ have the same effect.

...I clutched her hand and pulled it to my chest. "Make me a promise, Reagan," I whispered. "Anything, name it." "If I ever treat you anything less than precious, promise that you'll tell me so and remind me of this conversation." "I promise, and promise me that you'll do the same." We linked our fingers as we did sitting in my car, which seemed like a lifetime ago. The feeling of that connection was the last thing I was aware of before we both drifted off to sleep.

Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. __hat doesn__ look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You__e a lesbian, get in there and do battle._ __hat does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?_ __wo women live together, who kills the vermin?_ Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. __he pest control people, that__ who._ __utch up and get your ass in there. I won__ tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl._ ____ a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you._ Ryann pointed to her face. __ote the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses._ __here weren__ any squirrels in that dirt with me! I__l pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents._ Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. __t__ most likely under the couch. Where__ Grant?_ __fter-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins._ Ryann stared at her in horror. __hat is wrong with your kids?

She was walking toward the beauty shop when Shay came out the door moving fast. The first thing Jill noticed was Shay__ hair and how it appeared really big. As Shay drew closer, Jill realized she looked like she was wearing a mask with big blue streaks over the eyes and giant red pouty lips. __hat happened to you?_ Jill asked in shock. ____ not sure,_ Shay said, looking just as stunned. __ne minute, I was reading a magazine, and the next, two women that looked like Dolly Parton descended on me like vultures. They started putting stuff on my face, then they did all kinds of things to my hair._ Anne walked out of the shop next; her Napoleon hat __o rode higher than ever. Ella followed with her little red hair ball reinflated. __oesn__ Shay just look beautiful?_ Ella chirped. She looked like a hooker who__ just survived a wind tunnel, but Jill nodded and tried to smile.

Let__ get to our site,_ Anne said. ____ gonna need a nap before the hunt_and lunch._ __o you wish you would__e gotten that rental car this morning?_ Jill whispered as Anne and Ella settled into their seats. Shay nodded. __h-huh._ Jill had seen many campgrounds, but her jaw sagged, and her foot slipped off the gas pedal twice. Sally rolled on slowly as she stared at the cadre of camouflaged vehicles and tents. One man sat atop his RV in a lawn chair, his binoculars trained on the woods beyond. __hey really do take this seriously,_ Shay whispered in awe. __his is like a militaristic zone._ Jill backed into a slip covered with a quilt of netting and camouflage tarps strung from the trees high overhead. __hat is the reason for all of this?_ she asked. __he campground is designed to blend in with nature to be more welcoming to the Bigfoot,_ Anne explained. __hat__ what they told us when we checked in._ __h, is that it? Well, let me just craft a banner that says, __e come in peace or bite-sized pieces,__ Jill said with a sardonic laugh.

Oh, dear God!_ Janice bellowed and looked as though her neck was made of rubber as her head wobbled back and forth. Lou set the book back on the credenza as Janice stormed out. __shton, I__ sorry you had to witness that. As you well know, Mom has never been a pleasant woman. Since coming to live here, she__ been a nightmare on two legs. I__e had her head examined, and there__ no tumor or disease to explain her behavior. The neurologist and our family doctor have simply diagnosed her as a chronic jackass.

How was practice?" Shawna asked when Jet walked into the kitchen. "You must've worked hard again, you smell like a wet puppy." "We did." Jet grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. " Your buddy said she was proud of us today." "That's good." Shawna smiled as checked on their dinner. " Are you starting to like her now?" I don't want to beat her with my flagpole anymore, but I wouldn't say I like her. Now your other friend is all up in the punch. Mrs. Scofield was at practice today passing out chocolate milk and telling us what to do with our glitter," Jet said and took a drink of her water. Shawna glanced at Jet. "What're you going to do with the glitter?" "Put it on my eyelids. Personally, I think we're gonna look like sparkly hookers, but makeup isn't my call...

Dear Me, I made a jackass out of myself tonight. I couldn__ stop it. The second I saw Stacy, I sprouted big donkey ears and a tail. I don__ know why she gets under my skin. Why should I care what she thinks of me? She__l be gone right along with Jason when Alana gets bored. Alana__ lasagna was terrible. No one noticed that I was slipping the harder pieces of it into my salad bowl and hiding them under the lettuce. It__ a good thing they don__ have a dog because if it was to eat the scraps, it would surely die. Jason and Stacy are gonna be shitting pasta shards. I feel sorry for Jason, not so much for Stacy. I__l have to patch things up with Alana, so this may not be the right time to tell her that her cooking is lethal. She was pissed when I left her house. I__ sure she__l tell Mom and Grammy I was a jerk. Jason was probably mad at me too. I feel a little bad about that. Me

...I think I saw something orange pass beneath a streetlight. That means she turned the corner on Pecan Street. Wait right here, and I__l get my car._ Stella grabbed Mona__ arm. __here__ no time. Follow me and keep your mouth shut._ Instead of going to the street, Stella crept through a yard. __his is crazy, I can__ see a thing. Stella, we could break a leg._ __ told you to be quiet. I know these yards as well as I know my own. Stay behind me._ She led Mona behind a large azalea bush close to the sidewalk. They hid there as Rusty approached, and she was almost on top of them when Mona sneezed. Rusty stopped, put her hands on her hips, and said, __ know you__e in there._ Neither Stella nor Mona made a peep. __ think I understand why you feel the need to watch me. I__ new around here, so let me introduce myself. My name is Rusty Martinez. I__ a businesswoman, and I have no intention of breaking into anyone__ home. I__ simply out for exercise, so you have nothing to worry about._ __kay, well, you have a nice night,_ Mona said cheerily. Rusty recoiled at the response. __m_you too,_ she said quickly and jogged away. Stella groaned. __our mother obviously didn__ teach you how to properly conduct a mission, did she?_ __f you mean how to hide in a bush, then no.

So_just to be totally clear, you are a lesbian, right?_ Lydia met Harper__ gaze. __ am, and I__ damn proud of it._ __hat__ pretty cool._ __lad you think so,_ Lydia said with a smirk. ____ hate to get another detention for painting you and this ugly-ass badger.

Where ya goin_?_ Coleen asked. ____ taking Lena to dinner, then we__e going dancing._ Coleen threw a hand on her hip. __ou don__ smell the gumbo that__ been cooking all day? It__ your favorite. I stuffed every aquatic creature I could find into that pot. Claws and legs are hanging out all over the place._ ____l have some tomorrow,_ Jorie said as she caught one of the screws that dropped from the blade. __ made pie, damn it. Pecan, just because I know you love it. Bring that woman here for dinner and save yourself a buck or two._ __h, no,_ Jorie said with a laugh. __ really like her. It__ too soon to expose her to an Andolini dinner.

...Bryan pumped his fist. __takeout! Will I be in plain clothes?_ __ear whatever you want as long as it__ dark,_ Kirsten answered with a smile. __ermission to get snacks for my stakeout, ma__m!_ Bryan said loudly as he sprung to attention.

...I__ insane, Jorie thought. She saw herself lying in a hospital bed, her wallet and valuables gone. When asked why she got into a car with a woman she didn__ know, her reply would land her in the psych ward. Well, you see, I have this fantasy lover because, frankly, they__e so much easier to deal with. She never makes a mess, loves my demonic cat, always says the right thing at the right time. I saw this woman, and she was my dream come to life, so I just had to get into the car with her because I__ an idiot...

..,When the call ended, Haley went back into the bedroom where Falon was lying in bed with an arm over her eyes. __hat was Cindy, right?_ Falon asked. __es, and my parents are driving her crazy. I have to call them. If you want a laugh, listen to my half of the conversation._ Haley climbed into the bed next to Falon and leaned her back against the headboard. She blew out a breath and pressed a button on her phone. __ey, Dad, I___ I am fine_ yes, I can hear you both_ Well, I__ sorry_ I am fine,_ Haley said forcefully. __o_ no_ I mean it, no. I__ a grown__ate tonight. No_ no_ absolutely not. Neither of you drive at night__o. I said no. I__ fine_ I am fine_ no._ She grinned at Falon when she laughed softly. ____ not alone_ no. Another ship passenger__emale. No_ I know. I__ a grown woman! Yes, I realize that__o! Well, this is why_. no. Yes, but don__ show up before dawn. No. That doesn__ make any sense, no. This call is a dollar a minute_ no. Yes, you can bring breakfast. Yes, I will do that__ just said I would do that. Yes_ no. Yes. I love you, too, bye._ __hat was exhausting,_ Falon said with a laugh when Haley released a heavy breath and dropped her phone into her lap.

...Falon sucked hard on her straw and swallowed. __ou haven__ mentioned a girlfriend or a wife._ __hat__ because I don__ have one._ Haley touched the tip of her nose with her finger. __hew, I__ feeling good. I should drink more often. My ex left me a year ago for someone else,_ she admitted and giggled. ____e been surviving on a steady diet of hate and loathing._ Falon raised her cup. __hatever works, right?_ __eah, I guess,_ Haley agreed with a shrug and a grin. __he always complained that I wouldn__ allow myself to be exciting. Look at me now, though, I__ stranded in another country with no money or passport, wearing shorts with sea turtles on them with no underwear. I__ drunk with someone I don__ know who could very well kill me in my sleep._ The empty cup dropped from her hand onto the floor as her head lolled back against the chair. ____ fucking exciting now.

...Rusty followed. __ou should probably pull out your gun. Whatever is in there made enough noise to make me believe it wasn__ a bug._ Kirsten__ stride faltered, and she came to a stop at the door. __kay, I__ gonna come clean right now. I cannot stand rats or mice. Snakes scare me less. So if I get in there and I see a furry vermin, I will scream like a little girl. If you tell anyone you witnessed that, I will ticket you every time you pull out of your driveway. Are we clear?_ __re you sure you don__ want me to go to the store?_ Kirsten met Rusty__ gaze. __re you clear on what I just said?_ __ep.