humorous

If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him.

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow

The streak of bleach in my hair is as obvious as ever. Am I really going out in public like this? I push my hair backward and forward a few times - but I can't hide it. Maybe I could walk along with my hand carelessly positioned at my head, as if I'm thinking hard. I attempt a few casual, pensive poses in the mirror."Is your head all right?"I swivel round in shock to see Nathaniel at the open door, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans."Er...fine," I say, my hand still glued to my head. "I was just..."Oh, there's no point. I bring my hand down from my hair and Nathaniel regards the streak for a moment."It looks nice," he says. "Like a badger.""A badger?" I say, affronted. "I don't look like a badger.""Badgers are beautiful creatures," says Nathaniel with a shrug. "I'd rather look like a badger than a stoat.

A reputation for money is almost as negotiable as money itself.

Any day above ground is a good day.

...I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays.

Society teaches us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The bill of rights informs us that we have the right to keep it to ourselves.

He__ sort of a homeless horse,_ I said.____ leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won__ be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don__ want that horse in my apartment.___ho would put a horse in an apartment? That__ dumb.___here__ the horse staying now?___y apartment.___ can always count on you to brighten my day,_ Ranger said. And he disconnected.

Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights their forefathers had fought and died for.

None are so busy as the fool and knave.

He was rather a low sort of pony. The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out by the day, and he never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama too, but too broad--too broad. When the mother died, he took the port-wine business.''The port-wine business!' cried Nicholas.'Drinking port-wine with the clown,' said the manager; 'but he was greedy, and one night bit off the bowl of the glass, and choked himself, so his vulgarity was the death of him at last.

[To my enemy:] Some are great, some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them! And then there's you.

He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots.

How come I have too many things to do all the time...??

If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it.

If you can't beat them and don't care to join them, Then " FU*K THEM".

My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in __he talk,_ that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else__.

Believe in something, and let that something be yourself.