funny-quote

Trust me, there are things in this mountain that will make your jaw bounce off the floor.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams" This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he's gone too far. Unfortunately, I can't put a cover of my book My Year in Oman with Mr. Williams' picture on the cover.

I wonder why some people find it very difficult to follow God. Perhaps, they are waiting for Him to join a social network before they could start to follow Him.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

I glance at him. He's looking at me, his expression every bit as expectant as I feel. I hate this little game of ours. Maybe because I'm no good at it. He won't tell me more unless I ask. Curiosity is one of my most incurable flaws--and Galen kno

Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning

I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.

GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

My childhood was a drag show!

Life is a circle. It spins you around.

O woman, father says natural is beautifulso why do you redden your cheeks and blacken your eyes?Why do you remove the hair on your legsand draw them into your brows?Why do you hold your breathlest your stomach showand hold your fartlest they knowthat you__e a human? O woman, father says natural is beautifulso why do you straighten your hairto curl it nextand pretend to orgasm so they think you enjoyed the sex?Why do you dumb yourself downand push your breasts up?Why do you smile when you__e told toand love when you don__ want to?When? When will you stop, woman? Father says natural is beautifulbut that is doubtfulfor what does father knowhe__ only a fellow.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

The easiest way to remember your future wife__ birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.