humorous-quotations

Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity... I'm close enough to walk!

I'm half good and I'm half bad. My mama is a very good girl and my daddy is a very bad boy. And I guess that leaves me somewhere sort of...here.

So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.

The Butcher of Babylon featured in over 500 porn films between 1974 and 1982, and was best known for his motto: Come for the butcher, stay for the meat.

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.

99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.

If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.

Be calm on your wedding day; she won__ kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

The easiest way to remember your future wife__ birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.