joke

You, Stan, are covered with dirt and leaves.''''I just applied for a job as a tree,'' I said. It made so little sense, he didn't even bother responding.

Damn it. What are we exactly calling a 'masculine problem'? Did he have trouble running the flag up? Or did it fall to half staff?"Do we have to speak about this metaphorically or-""Yes," Leo said firmly."All right. He..." Poppy frowned in concentration as she searched for the right words, "... left me while the flag was still flying.

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

The joke loses everything when the joker laughs himself.

It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water.

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.

Even if it__ a really funny joke, don__ laugh if the devil__ the one telling it!

What do you have in mind? Rebuild the city?" Eric asks. "Or should we skip to the repopulating part?""Shut up," Jost commands. "You aren't funny.""Why? That's the nice part of getting stuck on a completely forsaken piece of dirt.""You better hope that you find someone to help you do it then, because she's taken. I'm sure there's a nice dog around here somewhere. Maybe you should stick to your own species," Jost says.

I tell the squad a joke: "Stop me if you're heard this. There was a Marine of nuts and bolts, half robot--weird but true--whose every move was cut from pain as though from stone. His stoney little hide had been crushed and broken. But he just laughed and said, 'I've been crushed and broken before.' And sure enough, he had the heart of a bear. His heart functioned for weeks after it had been diagnosed by doctors. His heart weighed half a pound. His heart pumped seven hundred thousand gallons of warm blood through one hundred thousand miles of veins, working hard--hard enough in twelve hours to lift one sixty-five ton boxcar one foot off the deck. He said. The world would not waste the heart of a bear, he said. On his clean blue pajamas many medals hung. He was a walking word of history, in the shop for a few repairs. He took it on the chin and was good. One night in Japan his life came out of his body--black--like a question mark. If you can keep your head while others are losing theirs perhaps you have misjudged the situation. Stop me if you've heard this...

If someone loves sweet things and constantly eats angel´s hair tartlets should this be diagnosed as having some sort of heavenly trichotillomania?

- I'm a Neuroscientist.- What's that? What do you study?- I study your brain!

You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.

Creating a complete picture of a company financial health, by looking at periodic financial statements, is like turning a hamburger into a cow

. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun!

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

The biggest irony in the history of India is the term, "Muslim Personal Law."Law of the land could never be personal.