humorous-quotes

...You agreed we would be fearless together. I__ gonna need you to keep your promise,_ Haley said a little loudly. Falon__ office door opened, and Del stepped inside. __ heard a raised voice,_ she said and gave Haley the eye. __ere you out there listening to our conversation?_ Falon snapped. __es,_ Del said unabashedly with her gaze locked on Haley. ____ Falon__ bodyguard. Don__ let my manicure, impeccable high and lowlighted hair, and makeup fool you. I can have a shoe off my foot in less than half a second and peck you full of holes with the heel before you even know what hit you._ __el!_ Falon exclaimed as she hopped off her stool. __oney, that might__e scared me before I met Falon, but I__e let monkeys climb in my shirt, and I__ about to get a tattoo._ Haley stepped up to Del. __ring. It. On.

Late to bed, late to rise, command like hell and monetize.

Falon stared at Del intently, trying to figure out what was different. As usual, Del was impeccably dressed in a lavender dress that revealed her curves. Her nail polish and shoes matched her clothing perfectly. Del__ shoulder-length blond hair looked the same. __mile at me,_ Falon said suddenly, and Del showed her teeth. __ou got Botox again._ __eah, my dentist does it at his office now. I can get my teeth cleaned and my lines erased at the same time. If I could get him to do collagen injections, I__ be set. I wish these doctors would work together. If my gynecologist worked in the same office as my dentist, I__ look like a race car in the pit. I__ get it all done in one appointment and be back on the road in no time._ Del glanced at her watch. __hat reminds me, I__ going to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation tomorrow, so I__l be late getting here in the morning._ __ould you leave your face alone? Del, you look fine._ __t__ not my face, I__ thinking about having my vagina reshaped. The other day when I was being lasered, I was staring at it in the big mirror. You can really see all your girl junk in it, but it__ kind of magnified, so I wasn__ really sure if things were as out of proportion as they seemed. When I got home, I looked at it with a hand mirror, and it still doesn__ look right to me._ Del stood and began pulling up her dress. __ou__e seen a shitload of vaginas, so I want you to tell me__ __on__ you dare whip that out in here!_ Falon covered her eyes with her hand. ____ not looking at it, Del. I__ not!_ __ome on, really?_ Del looked completely taken aback. __ou looked at my boobs._ __hat__ because you turned them loose before I realized what you were doing._ Falon waved her hand. __our lady junk is far more personal than boobs._ __ow so?_ __leavage,_ Falon blurted out. __ou wear shirts that show cleavage, that__ like a little preview. Your lady junk is a total mystery, and I want it to stay that way...

You've got an answer for everything... It's one of the side effects of being right all the time.

Cactus face over there doesn't look happy," Audrey whispered and we both giggled. "Maize calls that resting bitch face," I said and immediately felt bad for repeating it. "Let's not be mean. Maybe she's just constipated.

Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning

I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.

...Do you need a hug?_ Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open her arms. __ome on in._ Ryann wrapped her arms around Payton__ waist and set her chin on her shoulder. __ made that stupid Silent of the Lambs threat again, and she corrected me. That made me furious._ Payton snorted with laughter as she wrapped her arms snugly around her. __id you ever see the movie?_ __o, I don__ like serial killer flicks. Shelly told me about it._ __ didn__ think so. The killer didn__ make meat suits, he took their skin. So when you want to sound really vicious, you say something like_ ____l skin you and wear one of your ass cheeks like a beanie.__ __hat__ really gross,_ Ryann said as she continued to hold on. __ut I suppose ____l snap you like a broomstick_ doesn__ have the same effect.

Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

No one is normal. Everyone is just pretending to be normal.

People take power trips at the most inopportune times.

I should never do anything pre-coffee. 'It was only a teeny fire,' I told my uncle over the phone.

A man is known by the company he keeps not by the company he works.

Just because you consider yourself a genius does not mean you are smart

Dear Single Ladies, Love is precious, Remember this: You are worth pursuing. Don't Cheapen Yourself

We are grateful for a happy marriage and a glorious future. Four years of a happy marriage! Happy Anniversary my dearest husband, Jeremiah Nii Mama Akita! I love you with all my heart, soul and body.

The energy I want to put out in the world is the kind of energy even people that don__ fuck with me appreciate and benefit from. Positivity is all I want in my life.