humorous-quotes

Get out of my brain!

If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of the poodle. In other words, wrong

I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me.

A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.

I engage in subtle stalking. That's entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

And you'd be left there like a fucking dumpling. You'd be standing there. A fucking dumpling man I'm telling ye.

Better days are coming! They're called Saturday and Sunday.

My best advice is never to address any woman as Madam unless she holds a high position in government or you happen to find yourself in a brothel speaking to its owner.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!

I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

Jenna can't hear us, she's blind

Show me a writer that doesn't use their craft as a coping mechanism and I'll show you my unicorn.

Allow me to remove my headphones to listen to your bullshit.

There is nothing more stimulating to the senses than that of a female body freshly emerged from a steaming hot shower, bathed in oils and feminine scents... well nothing except maybe a freshly opened package of chocolate double-stuffed Oreos.

You do remember how dangerous I am with those?_ __ye, that__ the point. Everyone will duck and cover if they see you wielding these._ __ven my teammates?___specially your teammates.

Seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person