funny-but-true

What if everything about me is totally made up? What if I__ actually_I don__ know. A wanted fugitive in the States.___ulia._ He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. __obody makes up being a high school math teacher.___hat__ why it__ the perfect disguise!__e shook his head. __obody.

Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others

I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

Sip tea and coffee with those who say you can, politely stuff with cookies any who say you cannot. Because the stuff they are feeding you, be it the latter,looks strangely a bit like the little chocolate chips.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams" This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he's gone too far. Unfortunately, I can't put a cover of my book My Year in Oman with Mr. Williams' picture on the cover.

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn__ that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.

No," said the cat. "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.

True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior.

Life gave me lemons, then I met you and you had Vodka. Now my life is a party.

Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.

If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.