humorous-quotes

I'm Julia Malone and nobody has the patent on me!

You can't oversleep if you don't make plans to wake up early.

By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy clan singlehanded.

If men had to have babies there wouldn__ be any sex life left.

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

I had to be the world's biggest loser, writing about hair, and stuff about my body. No wonder I stopped keeping a journal. It was like keeping a record of my own stupidity. Why would I want to do that?

I love you like a big fish

After we bring food home from the grocery store...Dogs must think we are the greatest hunters ever!

You act like the sorcerers are invading the continent for the sole joy of hunting me down and lobbing me off of tall objects.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

Listen carefully, I__ going to say three words.___ love you?

Go Big or Go Home

From my novel, "A Twist in Travel:Fate," "What, you've never seen a grown man naked?!

I doubt very much that writers ever go to therapy. I wouldn't! I imagine that I wouldn't have anything to write about after!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Wildlife Education" When I was a kid, the only woodland creature I knew of was the squirrel. I guess that's why no one believed me when I told them a squirrel just ate two of my friends.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.

Why do they call them daytime dramas, anyway? Shouldn't they be bedtime dramas? All anyone ever talks about is getting someone into bed! Plus if you're at home watching, you're probably watching in bed. And if you're like me, after an hour or two of watching all those sexy goings-on you forget the silly story entirely and fall asleep. Just like it's bedtime!

I didn't want to tell him that I was so wet that Noah would have had to build an ark to avoid the flood in my pants - Moxie