humor

You took your clothes off?""You didn't notice?""No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you.""If you look under the covers, you'll know me better.""I don't want to know you better!""That's a big fib," Diesel said.

Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!

Worry wasn__ an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed__nd it worried him.

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

I'm rarely rude except accidentally, and that doesn't really count...

Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears."Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn!

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills.

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.

Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you.""I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys!""Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys.

That is not what I was saying, you crazy twit!" Kylie faced her with a growl, causing Kat to reach over and smack her on the upper arm...hard, "Cut its out! You don not get to play the I'm-so-dark-and- twisty-I-deserve-to-be-punished card.

He was thirty-six years old, and six foot three. He spoke English to people and French to cats, and Latin to the birds. He had once nearly killed himself trying to read and ride a horse at the same time.

Who knew death could lead to an eating disorder?

I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

Free will always results in collateral damage.

If that's the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake," Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, "I'm all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

Sip tea and coffee with those who say you can, politely stuff with cookies any who say you cannot. Because the stuff they are feeding you, be it the latter,looks strangely a bit like the little chocolate chips.

Let me tell you something about me. I love vengeance like normal people love sunsets and long walks on the beach. I eat vengeance with a spoon like it's honey. In fact, I may not even be a real person, but just a vow of vengeance made flesh.