humor

I didn't read the book. I burned it after the first sentence.

There is a cookie trail of all my interests lodged in some digital sphere which will one day consolidate the collected data of six billion souls and vomit out__ don__ know__ersonalized infomercials for deodorant and car wax.

Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Yo Mama__ so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, __lap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

In this, then, lies their power of understanding--understanding, without words, what is authentic or inauthentic. Thus it was the grimaces, the histrionisms, the false gestures and, above all, the false tones and cadences of the voice, which rang false for those wordless but immensely sensitive patients. It was to these (for them) most glaring, even grotesque, incongruities and improprieties that my aphasic patients responded, undeceived and undeceivable by words.This is why they laughed at the President's speech.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

What__ the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

A vine from one tree shot out, tripping Blaise. He and Merewyn rolled to the ground. Varian stood between them and the trees, which shot blast after blast at him. He deflected them, but even so the heat from the fire was scorching. 'Go, Blaise,' he said. 'Get Merewyn out of here.'Blaise nodded before he crawled to Merewyn under the barrage.'Hold!'The blast stopped as the three of them froze into place.Again the woman appeared in the fire to stare at them maliciously. 'What is it you do?''I'm crawling,' Blaise answered.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn__ mean you have done something wrong, but it__ probably because you__e wearing your little brother__ underwear.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!