humor

Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.

What was to fear from a foe that could be defeated by a few potholes and the heat of the sun?

... a metaphor ... is like lying but more decorative.

Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...

Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush."Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs. Masterson offered with a wink."That's not true at all, Mummy. They're hypoallergenic, much easier than dogs," Madeleine said cheekily, "and they almost never have fleas.

There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll be back at it tomorrow.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

McG: 11:39 PM: Tease. A: Bushy prehistoric looking veggies frighten me.Lilliana: 11:41 PM: WTH are we talking about here? McG: 11:42 PM: Fucking auto correct. VAGINAS! Bushy vaginas put the fear of God in me. Seriously, Lilly, if you__e got one, groom that shit unless you want to see a grown alpha male curl into the fetal position and cry. It won__ be pretty. Just sayin

Paranoid means you are aware of 10% of the problem

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship

Basset Hounds never get scared. We__e fearless, resolute and know how to season a good lamb chop.

Nixon__ offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some lovable but bigoted uncle you tolerated at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.

You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this "thing.

Well, thank the gods,' he sighed.'Oh? And what would it be you're thanking them for?' Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned.'For making roads and letting us find one. Not that I'm complaining, you understand, but this business of following you cross-country without the faintest idea where I am can worry a man.

Family we cannot always choose, but it sure is fun to try and make them laugh during dinners. Especially when they are trying to eat their soup.

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!