funny-humor

I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am.

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.

I'm good at blowjob.

Humour sustains us during failure; more so after success, when we're prone to fail that much more, daring abyss, pumped up with success.

The wife__ gotta know. You can__ hook up like that for what looks like about six or seven years without the wife figuring it out. Unless she__ another idiot.____ not an idiot.__miling, Roarke continued to stroke. ____l keep that in mind when I decide to have a long-term affair.___eah, you do that. They__l never find your body,_ she murmured, then dropped into sleep.His smiled warmed, and feeling well loved, he dropped off with her.

Let me put it more artistically, with greater sophistication:They left us in the toilet. In the deepest pile of shit. And we're coated in the crappy residue of their desicions. But that does not mean we are the one who pooped, Moritz. And neither are we the poop.Never think that. We're not the poop.

I wish you all the best in life. Hell, I will even write your obituary for free.

Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.

I would die for you, my love__n old age.

Holy mama llama. That__ Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I__ supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I__ going to make a fool out of myself. I just know it. I can feel it coming. Crap.

Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. __hat doesn__ look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You__e a lesbian, get in there and do battle._ __hat does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?_ __wo women live together, who kills the vermin?_ Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. __he pest control people, that__ who._ __utch up and get your ass in there. I won__ tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl._ ____ a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you._ Ryann pointed to her face. __ote the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses._ __here weren__ any squirrels in that dirt with me! I__l pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents._ Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. __t__ most likely under the couch. Where__ Grant?_ __fter-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins._ Ryann stared at her in horror. __hat is wrong with your kids?

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.

When it comes to being famous, you__e usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.__ primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.__oodness, I didn__ expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don__ play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?