humour

Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills.

Who knew death could lead to an eating disorder?

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Yo Mama__ so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, __lap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

What__ the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour." Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn__ mean you have done something wrong, but it__ probably because you__e wearing your little brother__ underwear.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.