humour

Yo Mama__ so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Yo Mama__ so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, __orry, no professionals.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell.___o be fair, you still look pretty bad.

Look,_ said Cyrus, raising his knife again and pointing it at her. __ive me one reason why we shouldn__ kill your boyfriend over there. Come on. The dark scowling face is reason enough in my book.__he could have sworn she heard the sound of Lucas__ eyes narrowing to slits.__ome on, just one reason,_ Cyrus repeated, __nd it better not include the words love, eternal or soul.

Sadie gave her head an exaggerated scratch. __on__ come too close if you know what__ good for you, these nits are on steroids.

Jacob glanced across at the woman. 'She'd have you for breakfast, mate.''Yeah,' Luca countered, 'maybe I want to be had for breakfast.

Jake's in trouble.'Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?''He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think it's good.''Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us?

But I don't want to be a vampire drone.' Sophronia winced. 'They'll suck my blood and make me wear only the very latest fashions.

It doesn't matter if it's the real world or fictional," I insisted. "Crushes are the best part of liking someone, and they are completely safe. You get all the benefits of fantasising about someone, but none of the he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not drama. It's all the good parts with none of the parts that make you lie awake at night all angsty.