humorous-quote

Suddenly, the double doors of the parlor whooshed open. A large fleshy woman stood before me in full regalia. Her eyes were all made up, earrings and bracelets jangling. The sign in the window said Miss Sadie was a medium. From the look of her, I'd say that was a bit wishful.

I could say how well he dances, but that isn't true, for he dances like that big friendly bear I saw last Christmas.

Monthly, out of common courtesy, he went to inquire after the invalid Charles, who refused either to die or get better.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

Understandably she had a lot of suitors, just like any other girls in China with two arms and legs.

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.

What I learn today I shall know forever. Whether or not I remember that I know it is a different story.

The pressures of business relationships: so I tell the guy I usually have my tea time at 10 o__lock every morning. He calls me at noon (very upset) because I didn__ meet him on the golf course.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

The easiest way to remember your future wife__ birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Get high on love, not drugs.

I don't imagine book elitists as my audience when writing. I dream about teachers, morticians and garbage men instead.

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go.""You just got here.""Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress.""You're making that up.""I'm not.""So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?