humor

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

You know, Becky, you haven't been the same since that crowbar fell on your head.

Yo Mama__ so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

If you absolutely had to have sex with one of the Three Stooges, who would it be?

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

If I want to dress up like Princess Leia and lightsaber fight the clone army in my living room, well the Han Solo in my life is just going to have to accept it.

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school__ last bastion of patriarchal society.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.

Seriously, what would you prefer? To stand out from everyone else, or disappear in the crowd? Because I call the latter 'sheep.

Yo Mama__ so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, __orry, no professionals.