humorous-quotes

They appear somewhat unreliable," he murmured."Unreliable? Nonsense, Superior! Out of luck is all, and we both know how that goes, no? Why, there's not a man of them I wouldn't trust my mother to.""Are you sure?""She's been dead these twenty years. What harm could they do her now?

The most overpowering will is the will to not work.

All humans learn from each other's mistakes. Intelligent humans learn how to avoid them, idiots how to do them.

This moment is spectacular!

Seriously, why aren't you on drugs?" Cath walked past her out of the room."Are you a licensed psychiatrist? Or do you just play one on TV?""I'm on drugs," Reagan said. "They're a beautiful thing.

I__e got more faith in my shotgun than any man, that__ for sure.

If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.

Probably your biggest mistake was doing funk-dance to Unchained Melody,_ the dog offered earnestly. __t__ a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it__ one of the slowest songs I can think of. You__ have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor may have been the large amount of beer you consumed beforehand.

I'm a writer. I write checks. Mostly fiction.

I refuse to lie to children. I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.

If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur!

I ran outta tears of sadness when I was 20 & all I got left is tears of joy.

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Sex with a married woman ten years his senior was stress free and fulfilling, because it couldn't lead to anything

. She was beautiful, and her temperament seemed much better than his first wife did. Arman stopped in the middle of the Windsor knot on his tie. Who was he trying to kid, he thought. An enraged rabid pit bull in heat would have had a better temperament then his first wife.

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?