humor

Ramon looked closely at the little guy as he ate. "Maybe he's Jewish. I mean, if Sammy Davis Jr. could convert to Judaism, why not a chupacabra? We should name him Harry Mendelbaum."I held up my arms in protest. "You're all racist. Now shut up. We'll call him Taco von Precious of Svenenstein. There, everybody h

The ability for anyone in our generation to self-amuse has sadly been bred out of our species.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn__ that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Leo,_ Jason said, __ou__e weird.___eah, you tell me that a lot._ Leo grinned. __ut if you don__ remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes...!

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.

If only I had the speed that my alien boyfriend had, then I could just zip through my senior year and forget about distance and mom__ annoyingly great sense of hearing. But when said alien boyfriend was in my bed, I wanted nothing more than the opposite speed. I wanted to freeze time to keep everything just the way it was.

...first thing is that I love you. And the second thing is that as much as I honor your former profession, I don__ think your geese care much for your betrothed and I hope they hadn__ any plans on sharing our bed.

I__l leave you guys to get acquainted. Somebody show Leo to dinner when it__ time?_ __ got it,_ one of the girls said. Nyssa, Leo remembered. She wore camo pants, a tank top that showed off her buff arms, and a red bandanna over her mop of dark hair. Except for the smiley-face Band-Aid on her chin, she looked like one of those female action heroes, like any second she was going to grab a machine gun and start mowing down evil aliens. __ool,_ Leo said. __ always wanted a sister who could beat me up.

I__ not going,_ he said. He held up the Third key like a weapon. Sensing his mood, it grew longer and sharper, till he was holding a trident as long as he was tall... __nd anyone who tries to make me is going to suffer._ __wice,_ added the voice under the table.

Just be careful, hon,_ Rosanna said.__h, are the plates hot?_ I flinched back just before my hands made contact.Rosanna laughed. __o, but hot boys can burn you just as easily.

What are you going to fill it with?" she asks. "Holy water or something?" "Probably Dasani," Thomas replies.

You would do the same for me." He smiled a big toothy smile before he hopped off my car and walked away, leaving me wondering what was up with the guy in the girl jeans and why I couldn__ get him off of my mind.

If you jotted down all of my ill-thought out comments, you could write a book entitled, Guide to Getting Punched in the Throat for Boneheads-Mad Hatter in "Death of the Mad Hatter" (Coming Soon!)

Pardon me Mam,I'm new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee.

Anyone that looked like that wouldn't need to tie up girls and imprison them in order to get them to marry him

I__ been called a freak, and worse, all through school. Now that I__ finally graduated, I was sick of it. I__ hoped that no one would ever call me names again. Oh well, if wishes were flying monkeys, we__ all be wearing tiny hats.

Because being assaulted with maxi pads is a great way to win friends and influence people.