humor

AN ACADEMIC DEFINITION of Lynchian might be that the term "refers to a particular kind of irony where the very macabre and the very mundane combine in such a way as to reveal the former's perpetual containment within the latter." But like postmodern or pornographic, Lynchian is one of those Porter Stewart-type words that's ultimately definable only ostensively-i.e., we know it when we see it. Ted Bundy wasn't particularly Lynchian, but good old Jeffrey Dahmer, with his victims' various anatomies neatly separated and stored in his fridge alongside his chocolate milk and Shedd Spread, was thoroughgoingly Lynchian. A recent homicide in Boston, in which the deacon of a South Shore church reportedly gave chase to a vehicle that bad cut him off, forced the car off the road, and shot the driver with a highpowered crossbow, was borderline Lynchian. A Rotary luncheon where everybody's got a comb-over and a polyester sport coat and is eating bland Rotarian chicken and exchanging Republican platitudes with heartfelt sincerity and yet all are either amputees or neurologically damaged or both would be more Lynchian than not.

It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle.

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Wroth, darling,_ she purred, smiling so sweetly. __ can__ wait for the next time I get to put my mouth on you._ In an instant the smile faded and she snapped her teeth and yanked her head back as if she was chewing something free.

He swallowed. __ave you no modesty?_ Never in his life had he encountered a female so quick to be naked. Of course, he__ never in his life encountered a female who should so utterly be naked at any chance.

It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?" Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words.

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

A doctor, a logician and a marine biologist had also just arrived, flown in at phenomenal expense from Maximegalon to try to reason with the lead singer who had locked himself in the bathroom with a bottle of pills and was refusing to come out till it could be proved conclusively to him that he wasn't a fish. The bass player was busy machine-gunning his bedroom and the drummer was nowhere on board.Frantic inquiries led to the discovery that he was standing on a beach on Santraginus V over a hundred light years away where, he claimed, he had been happy for over half an hour now and had found a small stone that would be his friend.

I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? " - Tabitha

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

You are only limited by your own imagination

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian."Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens.

Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done._ He winked at Butler.__re you sure you__e at the library? I thought I heard water.__rtemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. __ater? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information.___re you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you__e wearing that smug smile of yours.