humor

Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!

Falon stared at Del intently, trying to figure out what was different. As usual, Del was impeccably dressed in a lavender dress that revealed her curves. Her nail polish and shoes matched her clothing perfectly. Del__ shoulder-length blond hair looked the same. __mile at me,_ Falon said suddenly, and Del showed her teeth. __ou got Botox again._ __eah, my dentist does it at his office now. I can get my teeth cleaned and my lines erased at the same time. If I could get him to do collagen injections, I__ be set. I wish these doctors would work together. If my gynecologist worked in the same office as my dentist, I__ look like a race car in the pit. I__ get it all done in one appointment and be back on the road in no time._ Del glanced at her watch. __hat reminds me, I__ going to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation tomorrow, so I__l be late getting here in the morning._ __ould you leave your face alone? Del, you look fine._ __t__ not my face, I__ thinking about having my vagina reshaped. The other day when I was being lasered, I was staring at it in the big mirror. You can really see all your girl junk in it, but it__ kind of magnified, so I wasn__ really sure if things were as out of proportion as they seemed. When I got home, I looked at it with a hand mirror, and it still doesn__ look right to me._ Del stood and began pulling up her dress. __ou__e seen a shitload of vaginas, so I want you to tell me__ __on__ you dare whip that out in here!_ Falon covered her eyes with her hand. ____ not looking at it, Del. I__ not!_ __ome on, really?_ Del looked completely taken aback. __ou looked at my boobs._ __hat__ because you turned them loose before I realized what you were doing._ Falon waved her hand. __our lady junk is far more personal than boobs._ __ow so?_ __leavage,_ Falon blurted out. __ou wear shirts that show cleavage, that__ like a little preview. Your lady junk is a total mystery, and I want it to stay that way...

You've got an answer for everything... It's one of the side effects of being right all the time.

But what do you care about Qorlec?_ went on Dr. Zorgone. __ heard you escaped Alsa Sif V, and immediately upon your departure,_ he frowned, __ou set coordinates for Earth?_ He laughed softly, nastily, and Quinn felt anger shiver through her to see the twinkling mockery in his eyes. __hat would your people think to know that, I wonder?_ continued Dr. Zorgone, tilting his head. __he first place you ran to wasn__ Qorlec, wasn__ the ancient home of your __ighty_ ancestors, but the polluted shit-ball of ape people? The true home of the true empress is Earth._ His eyes danced over her, searching, hungry. __ou speak Roknal and English fluently, but I bet you don__ know a damn lick of Aviye. The entirian princess isn__ even entirian --___hat do you want?_ Quinn said abruptly.__hat do I want?_ repeated Dr. Zorgone, rolling his eyes to the starry sky. __et__ see . . . What do I want? I always wanted an indoor pool.__uinn__ lips tightened.

Cactus face over there doesn't look happy," Audrey whispered and we both giggled. "Maize calls that resting bitch face," I said and immediately felt bad for repeating it. "Let's not be mean. Maybe she's just constipated.

I've never really learned how to do this. When we hunted, we had people to take care of what we caught.""I thought you hunted with birds.""We did.""So the birds caught the animals, other people cleaned them... When you say 'hunting,' do you really mean 'going for a walk'?

Alright. So how are we getting down there? Can you turn invisible or something?___hat do I look like? A magician?___ell, can you fight?___an you?___o,_ said Thalcu with a sad laugh. __onbiri women aren__ allowed to handle anything bigger than a butter knife. Not legally, anyway. Besides, I could never shoot a gun. My hands are used to pushing remote control buttons, pounding game controllers . . . picking the good chips from the bag.

Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning

I saw the statue completely different now. I'd decided that he wasn't pointing to anything or anyone. Now all I could see was that he was reaching out his hand to someone. For me that explained the expression on his face that I'd never quite been able to understand before. He was hopeful and nervous and scared and a little bit proud of himself for doing it - extending his hand to someone, not knowing if they'd take it. This was, I had realized, one of the scariest things of all, requiring much more courage than sailing across an ocean and landing on an unknown shore At least that's what I saw. Clark and Tom's new theory was that he was a time traveler who'd somehow been transported to the past and was just trying to hail a cab.

He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice.

I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.

Someone threw a cabbage at William Howard Taft. That didn't bother Taft. He quipped, "I see that one of my adversaries has lost his head.

Halt! We are attempting an arrest!___eah, we__e aware,_ Quinn muttered under her breath.

...Do you need a hug?_ Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open her arms. __ome on in._ Ryann wrapped her arms around Payton__ waist and set her chin on her shoulder. __ made that stupid Silent of the Lambs threat again, and she corrected me. That made me furious._ Payton snorted with laughter as she wrapped her arms snugly around her. __id you ever see the movie?_ __o, I don__ like serial killer flicks. Shelly told me about it._ __ didn__ think so. The killer didn__ make meat suits, he took their skin. So when you want to sound really vicious, you say something like_ ____l skin you and wear one of your ass cheeks like a beanie.__ __hat__ really gross,_ Ryann said as she continued to hold on. __ut I suppose ____l snap you like a broomstick_ doesn__ have the same effect.

There__ no point running anyway. In t-minus ten minutes, you will have no where to run to.__uinn tensed at the triumphant look in his eyes. _. . .what have you done?___ have entered launch codes in the computer. In exactly ten minutes, Alpha Star 9 will be a black stain in the middle of Utah.__uinn__ lips part in shock.__es,_ said. Dr. Zorgone in amusement. __ramatic gasp!

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.