humor

Owning a drone does not a pilot make.

Monthly, out of common courtesy, he went to inquire after the invalid Charles, who refused either to die or get better.

Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke.

I give him a skeptical look. __ou want to show me your dick?___f it__l help convince you._ He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. __ome on, let__ go.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

He started to hand her a fork but paused, glancing at her and then it, and back. Wariness narrowed his eyes."For real? Seriously?" She held out her hand, palm up. "What do you think? I'm going to try to prong you to death? I don't know who that would be more embarrassing for - you dying by fork or me needing to use something so silly to take you out.

He started to hand her a fork but paused, glancing at her and then it, and back. "For real? Seriously?" She held out her hand, palm up. "What do you think? I'm going to try to prong you to death? I don't know who that would be more embarrassing for - you dying by fork or me needing to use something so silly to take you out.

He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog.

The reason I might forget something is because my mind is like a computer. I have so much useless stuff stored up in there, that when I forget to clean out my Mind's Cache, it has no room for new information. Like wearing pants!

...You agreed we would be fearless together. I__ gonna need you to keep your promise,_ Haley said a little loudly. Falon__ office door opened, and Del stepped inside. __ heard a raised voice,_ she said and gave Haley the eye. __ere you out there listening to our conversation?_ Falon snapped. __es,_ Del said unabashedly with her gaze locked on Haley. ____ Falon__ bodyguard. Don__ let my manicure, impeccable high and lowlighted hair, and makeup fool you. I can have a shoe off my foot in less than half a second and peck you full of holes with the heel before you even know what hit you._ __el!_ Falon exclaimed as she hopped off her stool. __oney, that might__e scared me before I met Falon, but I__e let monkeys climb in my shirt, and I__ about to get a tattoo._ Haley stepped up to Del. __ring. It. On.

What some people need," said Magrat, to the world in general, "is a bit more heart.""What some people need," said Granny Weatherwax, to the stormy sky, "is a lot more brain."Then she clutched at her hat to stop the wind from blowing i

So you're getting back together with her? Just like that? Muriel asks."Not 'just like that'..." "How then?" Muriel enjoys playing devil's advocate. "For starters, it will have to be long distance for a while..." She doesn't let up. "For a while? Have you booked the U-Haul already?

She wanted to run her hands over him as he whispered the impassioned corollaries of non-Euclidean geometry.

I still believe this Life is a good joke. And if you treat it that way, you will never stop laughing.

Late to bed, late to rise, command like hell and monetize.

I might act like a rhinoceros, but I'm a unicorn.

I have the Angela Jolie of vaginas.