funny-quotes

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Yo Mama__ so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school__ last bastion of patriarchal society.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Yo Mama__ so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, __orry, no professionals.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me!

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

I might act like a rhinoceros, but I'm a unicorn.

Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727) New Orleans, LA

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.