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starve

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Why?_ She nods. __he had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?_ Why you want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and falls off, roll in coarse salt, then put on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight. Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all __ disappointment._ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it__ too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can__ stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everythingsinglething is wrong with you. __hy?_ is the wrong question. Ask __hy not?

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I__ trying to help,_ Albert said.__y paying him with beer?___ paid him what he wanted, and Sam was okay with it. You were at the meeting,_ Albert said. __ook, how else do you think you get someone like Orc to spend hours in the hot sun working? Astrid seems to think people will work just because we ask them to. Maybe some will. But Orc?__ana could see his point. __kay. I shouldn__ have jumped all over you.___t__ okay. I__ getting used to it,_ Albert said. __uddenly I__ the bad guy. But you know what? I didn__ make people the way they are. If kids are going to work, they__e going to want something back.___f they don__ work, we all starve.___eah. I get that,_ Albert said with more than a tinge of sarcasm. __nly, here__ the thing: Kids know we won__ let them starve as long as there__ any food left, right? So they figure, hey, let someone else do the work. Let someone else pick cabbages and artichokes.__ana wanted to get back to her run. She needed to finish, to run to the FAYZ wall. But there was something fascinating about Albert. __kay. So how do you get people to work?__e shrugged. __ay them.___ou mean, money?___eah. Except guess who had most of the money in their wallets and purses when they disappeared? Then a few kids stole what was left in cash registers and all. So if we start back using the old money we just make a few thieves powerful. It__ kind of a problem.___hy is a kid going to work for money if they know we__l share the food, anyway?_ Lana asked.__ecause some will do different stuff for money. I mean, look, some kids have no skills, right? So they pick the food for money. Then they take the money and spend it with some kid who can maybe cook the food for them, right? And that kid maybe needs a pair of sneakers and some other kid has rounded up all the sneakers and he has a store.__ana realized her mouth was open. She laughed. The first time in a while.__ine. Laugh,_ Albert said, and turned away.__o, no, no,_ Lana hastened to say. __o, I wasn__ making fun of you. It__ just that, I mean, you__e the only kid that has any kind of a plan for anything.