humorous-quotes

I love Naples, Florida! Although, I__ so far behind everyone else there. After all, I__ still wearing my first face!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Virtual Reality" A fairly plausible explanation for the abundance of Virtual People running around these days.

Do you recall telling Dr. Phillips during your appointment on February second of last year that you needed to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases because__et me make sure I get this correct here . . ._ Taylor read out loud from her file, __ecause, quote, __our weasel-dick husband slept with a skanky whore stripper and the cheating bastard didn__ use a rubber_?_ Ms. Campbell shot up in her chair. __he actually wrote that down?_ The jury tittered with amused laughter and sat up interestedly. Finally__hings were starting to look a little more like Law & Order around here. __ take it that__ a yes?_ Taylor asked.

If you're committed, that just means you're in agreement your undertaking could be your ticket to the asylum.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Tom Brady's balls" Nothing more than a publicity stunt to keep the NFL Network from losing San Francisco's market share.

We so need to work on your definition of relaxing.

Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year's Eve" The last day you can do all the things you are resolving to give up-until you give up on your New Year's resolutions.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

I've been waiting for this a long time."-Martin "Let me guess that you're wishing for your IQ to break double figures?"- Alex V.

Feeling old? Remember, you will never again be as young as your are today.

The demon was turning out to be an unpredictable, feral, bone-and-head-collecting, sexually ravenous happiness battery. She swallowed. All I have to do is plug him in.

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind

Wisdom of the Ages: "BS" Has now replaced death, worthless IOU's and ignorance as America's number one export.

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

Simon stepped forward and clapped him on the shoulder. "Nothing better than making a maid happy, is there?""Aye, there most assuredly is." Simon cocked a puzzled brow."Skewering my meddlesome brother would definitely be better."Simon laughed. "Then I'd best go pack so that I won't be directly in your sight for the next few minutes.""You do that, Simon, and while you're at it, make sure to find your common sense and bring it along as well.