humorous-quotes

God is my provider I brag different.

Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.

Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.

She was walking toward the beauty shop when Shay came out the door moving fast. The first thing Jill noticed was Shay__ hair and how it appeared really big. As Shay drew closer, Jill realized she looked like she was wearing a mask with big blue streaks over the eyes and giant red pouty lips. __hat happened to you?_ Jill asked in shock. ____ not sure,_ Shay said, looking just as stunned. __ne minute, I was reading a magazine, and the next, two women that looked like Dolly Parton descended on me like vultures. They started putting stuff on my face, then they did all kinds of things to my hair._ Anne walked out of the shop next; her Napoleon hat __o rode higher than ever. Ella followed with her little red hair ball reinflated. __oesn__ Shay just look beautiful?_ Ella chirped. She looked like a hooker who__ just survived a wind tunnel, but Jill nodded and tried to smile.

Let__ get to our site,_ Anne said. ____ gonna need a nap before the hunt_and lunch._ __o you wish you would__e gotten that rental car this morning?_ Jill whispered as Anne and Ella settled into their seats. Shay nodded. __h-huh._ Jill had seen many campgrounds, but her jaw sagged, and her foot slipped off the gas pedal twice. Sally rolled on slowly as she stared at the cadre of camouflaged vehicles and tents. One man sat atop his RV in a lawn chair, his binoculars trained on the woods beyond. __hey really do take this seriously,_ Shay whispered in awe. __his is like a militaristic zone._ Jill backed into a slip covered with a quilt of netting and camouflage tarps strung from the trees high overhead. __hat is the reason for all of this?_ she asked. __he campground is designed to blend in with nature to be more welcoming to the Bigfoot,_ Anne explained. __hat__ what they told us when we checked in._ __h, is that it? Well, let me just craft a banner that says, __e come in peace or bite-sized pieces,__ Jill said with a sardonic laugh.

Oh, dear God!_ Janice bellowed and looked as though her neck was made of rubber as her head wobbled back and forth. Lou set the book back on the credenza as Janice stormed out. __shton, I__ sorry you had to witness that. As you well know, Mom has never been a pleasant woman. Since coming to live here, she__ been a nightmare on two legs. I__e had her head examined, and there__ no tumor or disease to explain her behavior. The neurologist and our family doctor have simply diagnosed her as a chronic jackass.

How was practice?" Shawna asked when Jet walked into the kitchen. "You must've worked hard again, you smell like a wet puppy." "We did." Jet grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. " Your buddy said she was proud of us today." "That's good." Shawna smiled as checked on their dinner. " Are you starting to like her now?" I don't want to beat her with my flagpole anymore, but I wouldn't say I like her. Now your other friend is all up in the punch. Mrs. Scofield was at practice today passing out chocolate milk and telling us what to do with our glitter," Jet said and took a drink of her water. Shawna glanced at Jet. "What're you going to do with the glitter?" "Put it on my eyelids. Personally, I think we're gonna look like sparkly hookers, but makeup isn't my call...

Eternity is a ham and two people_ (also given as __ternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge__ar more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking.

[Showing the apartment to Tiziano ]MARLEEN WALKER: __et me alert you that animals are banned in this building.__IZIANO CONTI: __m I breaking the law right now?

If Shane had learned one thing, it was to never tamper with a firecracker during an explosion. That stood double when applied to women _ especially when you were the idiot who__ lit the fuse.

Let me see,_ Opal said.She quickly slurped up the rest of her lunch and thentook the collar. She examined it very closely. Sure enough,she could see bits of evergreen fur pinched along the buckle strap. As she looked closer, she noticed something else. Several pieces of black onyx were sewn into the back of the collar, and they started glowing.__ell look at that,_ Jack said. __omebody__ put a spider in this biscuit.

Hey!_ Mena exclaimed __on__ knock Jeopardy. I love that show___o do I_ Max admitted.__ like it when I know the answers._ Logan added.Trent turned to Logan, __ude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so.

Retirement is lie sex. Men love to talk about it, but when the time finally comes, they're good for about fifteen minutes then they're dying to put their ties back on.

You are organic, aren't you? Or am I talking to a statue again?

I don__ think I__ crazy, but then again, define crazy.

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so.The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer