funny-book-quotes

Yo Mama__ so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, __orry, no professionals.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Sadly for you, I think I'm going to live, Simi. You can stop slapping me now. I've already lost enough sense. Can't afford to lose any more brain cells. I really really need my last three before I forget how to spell my name. It's hard enough to pronounce." Nick"well, poo. Not poo that you'll live, 'cause the Simi would probably miss you if you died, but poo that I'll miss all that good old salty boy meat. Though we needs be fatting you up some to make you really good eats. Hmmm." Simi

Suddenly, a voice called from the darkness. Taylor leapt like a salmon, then became rooted to the spot like a tin of salmon.

His only real financial failure came at the age of thirteen when, in an uncharacteristic error of judgement, he invested £200,000 of his own savings in wooden socks, an invention that never caught on as he had hoped.

Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast, it__ no good living in the fucking past.

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,' the inventor said. 'The hamster generates heat by running on the wheel. If you get a big enough hamster, it will keep your whole face warm.

My mortgage isn__ getting any cheaper and I can__ run that Ferrari on faith alone," Revernd Jones said. "Don__ get me wrong, the Big Man Upstairs does what he can but I__e never once seen him filling up the tank of my car.

My mortgage isn__ getting any cheaper and I can__ run that Ferrari on faith alone," Reverend Jones said. "Don__ get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I__e never once seen him filling up the tank of my car.

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick?

What__ not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break in. This beats the day to day kill, eat and survive.

Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.

You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex.

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

You can__ enjoy art or books in a hurry.

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you__e saying, but shut your pretty pie hole.

Dogs are angels full of poop.