David W. Earle

It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one__ own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: __ need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me_and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance...so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don__ accept me so how can I accept you?

When this low self-worth is hidden, one can understand why the person becomes hypersensitive to the opinions of others and has a great deal of difficulty accepting criticism no matter how warranted or gently said.

People build defenses around a weakness, not around strength. Where self-esteem is strong, a defense is unnecessary.

In order for a person to be able to __urn our lives and our wills_ over requires something very difficult for a spiritually wounded person to accomplish - Trust. Yet, to accomplish this step, trust of the spirit must be present.

There are two ways of thinking. One is living life based on fear. The other is trusting. Letting go and allowing trust to control our lives takes mental gymnastics.

People who are unwilling to talk about deep personal issues do not trust their own emotions.

The strange part about a person__ lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves.

When you wear a mask, you are not real.

Honoring your word is the fiber from which trust is built.

Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict and successful understanding.

Life is a learning experience and this is a very peaceful method of accepting the reality you face__hat will I learn?

When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned.

Embracing doubt is sometimes threatening, as we fear losing our faith if we explore our doubts. Following that thought, if one loses one__ faith, then as some religions dictate, that individual cannot enter heaven. Since heaven is the reward of an earthly existence, doubt becomes the enemy of this reward.

Rigid traditions capture soulsprisons of spiritual thoughtman__ religion has captured a god grown too small and very weak.

Other people feel love when we listen without judging and accept them without demanding change. We all desperately require these basic needs. When we can do this for another, we are indeed that person__ angel.

You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine, for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This was not done out of malice, spite, or hate, but what they knew best. As ineffective as these habits are, you never stopped to consider another way of loving.

The key problem I encounter working with wounded, depressed, and unhappy people is a lack of connection_starting from a disconnection from themselves and then with others. This is why love often becomes so distorted and destructive. When people experience a disconnection from themselves, they feel it but do not realize the problem.

Many people look at their past and bemoan their mistakes. Those errors in judgment, behavior, hurting others, and the wrong decisions may be what consumes them now. It does not have to be that way, for recovering from a traumatic situation is all a matter of how we think about what happened. It is not so much about what happened to us as what we make of the circumstance.