David W. Earle

No one escapes some degree of chaos for it is so ever prevalent; it is the human experience. This realization does not mean we can__ improve. It does mean we can accept our state of chaos, lighten up on ourselves, have fun, and work on improving_we are a work in progress. Enjoy the journey.

...the state of perfection is an elusive goal; demanding something so obscure as almost unattainable and can become a compulsive, crazy making squirrel-on-a-wheel way of living.

Many of the habits of dysfunctional families use are not from the lack of love but are the result of fear. Knowing the love-limiting habits and behaviors of dysfunctional families is a wonderful beginning to lower the fear, allowing us to be real, allowing us all to learn how to love better.

No matter how I want things to stay the same, no matter how discomforting change can be, I am stuck with the certainty that all molecules vibrate; all things are in constant motion; and change will happen. I can either accept that truth or suffer depression when I do not accept the reality that surrounds me. Change is constant; I am not the same person today as the person who put his head down on the pillow last night. Iron Mask

Putting labels on others creates a black hole of disregard where judgment thrives and schisms deepen.

If we want to improve, first we have to recognize our own maladaptive coping skills, called codependency, then change.

Others hide from being real by filling the air with words; the more words they throw out, the less actual communication happens and they are left with only an illusion of connection. This is the intimacy they so ardently seek but with these coping skills find so elusive.

Families living in dysfunction seldom have healthy boundaries. Dysfunctional families have trouble knowing where they stop and others begin.

The greater the pain associated with love, the more likely a person is to be attracted to others who will inflict this pain_for isn__ this what love is? Hurt people tend to hurt other people.

The more severe the dysfunction you experienced growing up, the more difficult boundaries are for you.

Chaos limits the free-flow of love and becomes a roadblock to what family members want most and sadly, it becomes the normal for the family.

When someone obtains peace and serenity, this shines a bright spotlight on others_ own unhappiness making their discomfort even more apparent.

Shame is a powerful feeling. There is a tremendous difference between making a mistake and believing you are a mistake...If I don__ see myself as being a mistake then it is I who must take responsibility and I am not ready to accept that.

Change is hard, difficult, painful, and often messy

Change will not successfully happen unless the emotional component is solved.

REAL people do not have to lie, exaggerate, or brag for they are self-contained in self-understanding and acceptance of themselves. REAL people can make a mistake knowing that even when they do, it is only a mistake and just because the outcome was not to their liking, they know_THEY are not a mistake. REAL have the attitude this is who I am_and I am good enough, right now_just as I am. People who have chosen REAL have already clicked their heals together and returned home.

Children naturally believe without question and absorb knowledge at an incredible rate; since there is no other frame of reference; they believe their parental reality, true or false.

Swirling in a squirrel cage of perpetual motion, the head-committee meets, argues, votes out the guidance available from emotions, and successfully keeps serenity at bay and chaos close at hand.