reciprocity

Think of your personal and professional life__re you attracting what you want? Are you attracting the kind of people you like? Do you feel that life is working for you or against you? How have others been treating you? Are you pleased with your results?

We've all been in the middle of a conversation and the person with whom we are speaking breaks eye contact, appears distracted, glazes over, or looks elsewhere. Their simple eye movement can quickly break down communications by making us feel ignored, dismissed, or rejected. For some, it may be accidental and unintentional, while for others, avoiding eye contact is on purpose.

Whether it is in a sales situation, love at first sight, a husband and wife having an important conversation, a parent disciplining a child, or a teacher instructing her students, eye contact is a powerful body language for enriching engagement, focus, and communication.

Who are we the most comfortable with? People who are the most like us! The __imilarity-Attraction Hypothesis_ (Newcomb, 1956) found that similar (real or perceived) personalities are a major determinant of our likability and friendship choices. It is simply human to gravitate toward people like us. This tribal inclination runs the gamut across demographics of age, ethnicity, culture, education, religion, and even personality style. Mirroring will enable you to find ways to create the comfort of familiarity through similarity.

When speakers make eye contact with an audience, they will be perceived as being more prepared, more competent, confident, and trustworthy. Eye contact helps to relax the speaker and reminds them that their audience is made up of separate individuals who perceive things differently. Audience response is clearly seen in the expressions of their eyes.

Meaningful eye contact has the power to transcend time and space to connect us with others and can be one of the most gracious and important ways to demonstrate attention and respect.

There are times when eye contact can move to the dark side and become creepy, hostile, rude, or condescending. When it is overused or made for the wrong reasons, eye contact can make others feel uncomfortable and leave a terrible impression . . . _ obsessive staring_ mocking_ too much intensity _ inappropriate focus_ averting eyes_ obvious contempt _ gawking, ogling _ casting the "evil eye"_ over-watching_ intimidating_ unwelcome looks_ rolling the eyes

12 Reasons Why People Avoid Eye Contact1. They do not want to reveal their feelings.2. They are not being honest and truthful.3. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed.4. They are being rude or indifferent.5. They are ashamed or embarrassed to talk about something.6. They are nervous or lacking confidence.7. It makes them feel very uncomfortable.8. They are arrogant, snobby, and pretentious.9. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid.10. They are shy or introverted.11. They are accessing internal thoughts or emotions to process and contemplate information.12. Or as mentioned before, and important to remember, it may simply be a cultural value or behavior.

You can shift other people's attitudes by shifting your own. When people project rudeness, impatience, and intolerance they attract the same in return. If someone looks like they are having a difficult day, you can shift their world by simply sharing a kind word.

7 Ways to Improve Eye Contact at any Time1. Relax into the moment by smiling.2. Practice making eye contact with people you trust, so that when you are with strangers, it is easier to form a connection.3. When you feel uncomfortable, begin by looking at their mouth or forehead.4. Lean in and show that you are interested and attentive.5. Put a little space between you and the other person.6. Remember that the other person may be feeling just as awkward.7. Don__ give them a blank stare throughout a conversation. Rather, practice gazing down or to the side every few moments so that you appear relaxed.

Becoming aware of what you are doing and how others perceive you will provide you with instant insight for making changes where necessary.

Mirroring is simply the process of discreetly matching and mirroring the subtle behaviors and qualities of the person with whom you are connecting. It's a form of behavioral reflection that unconsciously reveals, "We're more alike than we are different.

As with most things in life, a healthy balance will keep us on the right path. To avoid too much eye contact or too little, seek to create a comfortable mix. It is generally encouraged to use more eye contact when you are listening and less when you are speaking.

Mirroring and matching works at the sub-conscious level and serves to make the other person feel more __omfortable_ and connected to you. These subliminal actions can create a subconscious feeling of unison and connection that demonstrate how much you have in common.

Your direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give another human being. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.

Why Does Mirroring Work? Scientific research suggests __irroring_ techniques works because of the mirror-neurons which are fired in our brains when we both perceive and take action. When we observe someone doing something, we may feel as if we are having the same experience.

Whatever you are putting out into the universe is going to be returned unto you and have a direct correlation to what you are getting back. In many ways, you are a magnet and manifest accordingly.

Mirroring is a powerful neuro-linguistic programming technique that can be used to bond with others, build rapport, and reach mutual understanding more quickly. You may already be using it instinctively without even being aware.