ignite-me

Please," he says. "I'm begging you to stop."I still. "I can't stomach your pain," he says. "I can feel it so strongly and it's making me crazy- please," he says to me. "Don't be sad. Or hurt. Or guilty. You've done nothing wrong." "I'm sorry-""Don't be sorry, either," he says. "God, the only reason I'm not going to kill Kent for this is because I know it would only upset you more.

I feel like I__e been split open and stuffed with sunshine.

I do know that I don't want to wake him.We were up very late last night.

I lived in a really dark place. I wasn't safe in my own mind. I woke up every morning hoping to die and then spent the rest of the day wondering if maybe I was already dead because I couldn't even tell the difference.

I want you to be happy," I tell him, my eyes searching his. 'I want you to have a family. I want you to be surronded by people who care about you," I say. 'You deserve that.

Because I was dying.__And Warner could__e let me die. He was angry and hurt and had every reason to be bitter. I__ just ripped his heart out; I__ let him believe something would come of our relationship. I let him confess the depth of his feelings to me; I let him touch me in ways even Adam hadn't. I didn't ask him to stop.__Every inch of me was saying yes.__And then I took it all back. Because I was scared, and confused, and conflicted. Because of Adam.__Warner told me he loved me, and in return I insulted him and lied to him and yelled at him and pushed him away. And when he had the chance to stand back and watch me die, he didn__.__He found a way to save my life.__With no demands. No expectations. Believing full well that I was in love with someone else, and that saving my life meant making me whole again only to give me back to another guy.__And right now, I can__ say I know what Adam would do if I were dying in front of him. I__ not sure if he would save my life. And that uncertainty alone makes me certain that something wasn't right between us.

I__ not an idiot, Kenji. I have reasons for the things I say.___eah, and maybe I__ just saying that you have no idea what you__e saying.___hatever.___on__ whatever me____hatever,_ I say again.__h my God,_ Kenji says to no one in particular. __ think this girl wants to get her ass kicked.___ou couldn__ kick my ass if I had ten of them.__enji laughs out loud. __s that a challenge?_"It__ a warning,_ I say to him.__hhhhhh, so you__e threatening me now? Little crybaby knows how to make threats now?___hut up, Kenji.___hut up, Kenji,_ he repeats in a whiny voice, mocking me.

His hands are holding my cheeks, and he pulls back just to look me in the eye and his chest is heaving and he says, "I think," he says, "my heart is going to explode," and I wish, more than ever, that I knew how to capture moments like these and revisit them forever. Because this.This is everything.

Kenji has a hand pressed to his mouth, desperately trying to suppress a smile. He__ shaking his head, holding up a hand in apology. And then he breaks, laughing out loud, snorting as he tries to muffle the sound. ____ sorry,_ he says, pressing his lips together, shaking his head again. __his is not a funny moment. It__ not. I__ not laughing

Kenji snorts.__hat__ because you__e not fragile,_ Kenji says. __f anything, everyone needs to protect themselves from you. You__e like a freaking beast,_ he says. Then adds, __ mean, you know__ike, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people.

Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee.___ho__ Bruce Lee?___ho__ Bruce Lee?_ Kenji asks, horrified. __h my God. We can__ even be friends anymore.___hy? Was he a friend of yours?___ou know what,_ he says, __ust stop. Just__ can__ even talk to you right now.

There is nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Grieve nothing in this transitory world," he says softly.

We're too different now. We want different things. And this?" I say nodding at our hands. "All this managed to prove is that you are extremely good at turning me off

So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?""What?""All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?""You think Warner is sexy?""That is not what I said.