humorous-quotes

Don__ think you__e some kind of snowflake, suit guy. I__ a bitch to everyone.

I am currently preoccupied with chocolate.

Men did stupid things when they got romantic ideas in their heads.

I'm torn between none of your business and kiss my ass.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Soylent Green" No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin' for a Big Mac.

Hangin' upside down ain't good for nobody but possums.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy Vay! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah Peace!

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.

Nathan said nothing for a moment. Then, "There__ nothing in my fur, is there?"Simon gave the other Wolf a careful look. __o boogers._ __"Good. I hate washing boogers out of fur."__ho doesn__? What comes out of human noses is disgusting...

God has given you the same brain, so use your own in stead of borrowing ideas from somebody else. Think about and fathom the ideas before following them.

He's so dumb he couldn't find his way out of a birth canal.

You know what we have to do?"The Italian nodded. "I know.""You don't look too happy about it.""Defacing a beautiful building is a crime.""But killing people is not?" Dee asked."Well, people can always be replaced.

Are you okay?" Kelly cried."I shot dinner," Nick said.Kelly snorted. "Look, Hannibal, you can shoot back if they 're shooting at you, but it's still not okay to eat them afterward.

Wisdom of the Ages "Car Commercials" One of the last times you're ever gonna see that overpriced s-box not stuck in a traffic jam.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals... I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants".

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