humorous-quotes

Lena was going down the list of John's attributes in her mind, a list I was hoping wasn't too long. "He could see and hear and smell things I couldn't."Link inhaled deeply, then coughed. "Dude, you really need a shower.

Save the World-ers

While a kind man was working up the nerve to ask me on a date, I was working up the nerve to kill him with my bare hands

Do you like him? Ty asked. "Not that I care." "I do," I said, because it was true. Even though it didn't matter anymore. "Not that I care you don't care. Though you clearly do care, and I don't care about that either." "Well, I don't care that you don't care that I don't care. In fact i'm glad. Because, um, if I were seeming someone that I liked, I'd want you to be happy for me.""Are you seeing someone?" I asked, pretty sure he wasn't. "Not that I care.

Someone has opened the flood gates of stupidity...

If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent.

Ha!: He laughed. "Almost all of them as a kid, but most recently it was my nose...for the seventh time. And I've had two concussions, three broken fingers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

It was [Hugh's] omnipresent fear that some woman might be foisted on him who would turn out to be an adventuress and would blackmail him. This preoccupation made it almost impossible for him to engage a secretary.

I may not be perfect, but God knows I'm trying . . . and God knowing should count for something.

I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. He__ buried behind piles of the stuff. I can barely see tufts of his blonde hair poking out. I reach into the paperwork pile and shove the two halves aside. Hundreds of them fall off the desk and to the floor. Papers drift through the air like snowflakes. Fat, boring-ass snowflakes. Wren looks up, face slack with shock. __hatcha doing?_ I ask. __ividing up funding for the other clubs,_ He whispers, clearly distraught. A paper plops onto his head and slides off dejectedly. I__ respectful for three seconds. __o anyway, I had this nightmare in which Jack was sexy and Kayla died.

At around 6:00 a.m., April 30, 1987, we were awakened by a loud bull horn while inside our rented mobile home at an Ozark, Missouri trailer park."Glenn Miller, Jack Jackson, Douglas Sheets, Tony Wydra, this is a United States Marshal. You have three minutes to come out with your hands up, or we will commence firing."The feds had flown in two SWAT teams; one from Kentucky, the other from Louisiana (40 in all, plus the Marshals and local authorities) to make the arrests.We were surrounded.I had a hang-over, couldn't find my pants, and had to pee, bad.

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

Are you on crack? Or did I take a righteous bong hit before coming here?

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.

If that phone ain't ringing, I assume it still ain't you" Randy Travis

Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?A: Explaining what that is.

This book is visceral like how your small intestine is visceral

We need to mask your scent._ If stranger words had come out of his mouth, she hadn__ heard them. But then it clicked. __he thing can smell me.__nd it did get a good whiff at the house