dark-humor

Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again.

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

How much is real and for how long..

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

The world had been divided into two parts that sought to annihilate each other because they both desired the same thing, namely the liberation of the oppressed, the elimination of violence, and the establishment of permanent peace.

What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you__e so ugly on the inside?

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli

While art thrives on the blazing colours of scandal, literature blossoms on the dark soil of tragedy.

Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.

I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.

You know, Mac,__admus said still looking out the window. __e may have to work on the way we tell our story _apparently it__ not amusing enough._ ____l try to include a joke between __e bled to death__nd __he city burned_.__achaon responded tersely.

Two death sentences? Really? I mean, you look very well, considering.__rane grinned at him. __ne was in absentia. One wasn__, and I spent three days in a condemned cell. I can__ recommend the experience.___nd__id you say a smuggler?___hat was what the death sentences were for.

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST!And that thought just cracked me up.]It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person__ body, and tied them end-to-end_the person will die.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.

I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.