comedians

Comedians are people who embarrass themselves in style.

Comrades, we are going to try to cheer you up, and our sense of humor will help us in this endeavor, although the phrase gallows humor has never seemed so logical and appropriate. The external circumstances are exactly in our favor. We need only to take a look at the barbed wire fences, so high and full of electricity. Just like your expectations.And then there are the watchtowers that monitor our every move. The guards have machine guns. But machine guns won__ intimidate us, comrades. They just have barrels of guns, whereas we are going to have barrels of laughs.You may be surprised at how upbeat and cheerful we are. Well, comrades, there are goods reasons for this. It__ been a long time since we were in Berlin. But every time we appeared there, we felt very uneasy. We were afraid we__ get sent to the concentration camps. Now that fear is gone. We__e already here.

Finally, my watchers had to fess up. In embarrassed and genuinely polite tones, they said they had no other choice but to arrest me. Then they accompanied me to the prison across the way. As I entered, an extremely tall SS man leapt in front of me and asked: __o you have any weapons?_ __hy?_ I responded. __o I need any?

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

Comedians can turn laughter into tears and back again.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

I know a lot of sad people who aren't comedians.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.)

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

We can__ all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing.

98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.

HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.

This is the funniest book I__e ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical

No small part of the club's audience consisted of would-be comics, as well as the leading comics of the day. In fact, there were so many gagsters around that it was difficult to know who was part of the act and who was just sitting in.

I don__ think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh.

Are we not all actors playing parts in another person's play?