Al Franken

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

Paul's greatest contribution to the progressive cause wasn't what he accomplished in the senate, although he accomplished a lot. It's the way he inspired others to take action, and taught them to be effective, and gave them the confidence to stand up and shout about what they believed it.

Politics is not just about power and money games, politics can be about the improvement of people's lives, about lessening human suffering in our world and bringing about more peace and more justice. -Paul Wellstone (Minnesota Senator, Al Franken predecessor)

If we don't start caring about whether people tell the truth or not, it's going to be literally impossible to restore anything approaching reasonable political discourse.

You're not supposed to have to be rich or lucky to have a chance to do great things. Opportunity is supposed to be for everyone. And that's why I'm a Democrat.

When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building, I didn't realize he meant our nation.

Today I will masterbate!Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

Mistakes are a part of being human. Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

My parents didn't make a lot of money. My dad was not a high school graduate - he didn't have a career as such he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.

My views about God come from my dad. Dad told me that he believed Nature, which to him included humankind, to be so beautiful, so magnificent, that there had to be something behind it all.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren't rich - but we felt secure.

My dad was a terrible businessman.

It's hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued by a secret court. Actually, it's impossible to have that debate.

Armed with nothing more than a Facebook user's phone number and home address, anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user's date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.

Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.