You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!
Author
Rodney Dangerfield
/rodney-dangerfield-quotes-and-sayings
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About Rodney Dangerfield on QuoteMust
Rodney Dangerfield currently has 40 indexed quotes and 1 linked works on QuoteMust. This page is the canonical destination for that author archive.
Works
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Quotes
All quote cards for Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.