Jacob Braude

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball he can't hit that far.

speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.

Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades you couldn't possibly be cheating.

There's another advantage in being poor. The doctor will cure you faster.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a male is when he's a baby.

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over the strings are still attached.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

she: Before we got married you told me you were well-off. he: I was and I didn't know it.

You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes just so you don't have to go along.