David Wong

...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.

John, let me make one thing clear,_ Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. __very man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis_ penis would be larger than your penis._........"Fuck all of you,_ John retorted. __ou don__ even exist. We__e all just a figment of my cock__ imagination.

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

Fred said, __an, I think he__ gonna make a fuckin_ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.___oly crap,_ said John. __e__l be gorgeous.

Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Well I do. It's apathy. That's the truth of it; pile together everything we know and care about in the universe and it will still be nothing more than a tiny speck in the middle of a vast black ocean of Who Gives a Fuck.

I'm scared David""That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

SHUT UP. Both of you. You're coming with me." To me he said, "Put some pant

New technology is not good or evil in and of itself. It's all about how people choose to use it.

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

Your 'let's remain calm and stay put' speech would be a lot more convincing if you weren't giving it in front of a pile of burning skeletons.

Guys like him, the ones who grip the Bible so tight they leave fingernail grooves, they're the ones who are the most scared of their dark side. Always going too far the other way, fighting for the Lord, often just because it gives them an excuse to fight.

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.

Well, they never know they're ill, do they? You can't diagnose yourself with the same organ that has the disease, just like you can't see your own eyeball. So, I suppose you just feel normal and the rest of the world seems to go crazy around you.

Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Well I know. It's apathy.

Okay. When he comes, you can see him?""Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh..."She brushed the bandage on the side of her skull. I looked at her in bewilderment. Was she serious?"He hits you?""Yes.""With his fist?""Yes."John looked up from his coffee indignantly. "Man, what a dick!"I did roll my eyes this time and glared at John once they stopped. I don't know if you've ever seen a ghost, but I'm guessing that if you did, the thing didn't run over and punch you in the face. I'm guessing that's never happened to any of your friends, either.