Asper Blurry

What's the point of wandering?to find a better place?a home?But the loneliness will always capture mein its clawsof no tomorrow

Sometimes you're trying so hard to get your life together and still it's not enough, everything is falling apart. What to do, you're asking. Just keep going through hell for yourself, not for everyone else. Richer with that wisdom, I will build my happiness from nothing. I will rise from the dust. And I will do it on my own. I will live for myself and I won__ look at the others.

Breaking the circle__y eyes darken when I see my new lover. Fresh prey.My body doesn__ really react in a sexual way.It__ the devil inside me that celebrates next conquest.We exchange meaningless sweet words.His hungry gaze penetrates my breasts and ass.Another drink and laughter.And then another one.Sometimes I get very drunk or high.And then I don__ feel him between my legs.I don__ see his sweating face.I don__ hear his moans and questions if I came.I can__ stay sober when I cheat on you.I__ such a coward that I can__ even face this inner monster.It consumes me, it takes away my dignity. It makes me do horrible things.It hurts you, the only one who ever loved me.Who knows what I really am.No. It__ not the monster. It__ me. I am the whore.I dig my nails into your soft flesh until it bleeds.I am the one pushing you away, feasting on your kindness. I blame those hard punches of my past for my infidelity. Those cruel hands. Those hateful words. I try not to, I really do. I try to be a better person.But how can I if I am just nobody?You know why I leave. Yet you stay. You__e there when I__ back.With your sorrow and cry and resentment and wrath.Why?If I__ broken because of my pain what__ your excuse?Why do you keep letting me treat you like a stray dog?Don__ you have any respect for yourself?What the fuck is wrong with you?And just when I think I have my own slave for life you break the circle. You shut the door with a grimace of relief.You can__ look at me anymore. See, you__e finally free!My inner innocent girl is happy for you. But the monster inside kicks and laughs at me.I__ left alone.I dress up and go hunting.

All these bad experiences that we go through, they don't just disappear. We carry them our whole life trying to forget, escaping in habits, addictions, hate, toxic relationships. But what we don't know is that by doing so we let them stay alive. We water them like withered flowers and we hang onto them to justify our mistakes and failures.

Maybe people like us can__ be happy. Maybe we__e too damaged and the only thing we can do is to learn how to hate ourselves a little less.

I know that the future seems hard and scary, but it will get better, I promise. It's time for you to move on. Get going.

Illusion"A man wants to be freeflying in the emptiness of the universeHe thinks he means somethingin the endlessness of natureA man wakes upbeing only a dust

A man is nothing without dreams. A man is called idiot while he dreams. Whatever he does, he'll be judged and thrown away from the circle of clowns. And yet he needs acceptance and security from sick society, which is discriminatory far too often. But a man is blinded by other people opinions. He wants to fly and they say, __ou moron, you can't do that, it's forbidden, it's stupid._ And a man gives up on his dreams.

Gloomy roomimmersed in a scentof modern cowardsfilled withshapeless creaturessitting in silencebecause they havenothing to sayFake plastic faceswith a grimaceof disappointmentpainted on themAre we stuck on holdexpecting our turnin a waiting roomof so-calledlost generation?