victim-blaming

The most judgmental people are often those who complain most about being judged. The ones not complaining will look as though they're the ones doing the judging.

You can always evaluate a man's character by the way he speaks about his ex girlfriends and other women. When entering a new relationship or getting close with a new guy, make sure you take notice of the language he uses when referring to other girls

One of the reasons a survivor finds it so difficult to see herself as a victim is that she has been blamed repeatedly for the abuse: "If you weren't such a whore, this wouldn't have to happen." Each time she is used and trashed, she becomes further convinced of her innate badness. She sees herself participating in forbidden sexual activity and may often get some sense of gratification from it even if she doesn't want to (it is, after all, a form of touch, and our bodies respond without the consent of our wills). This is seen as further proof that the abuse is her fault and well deserved. In her mind, she has become responsible for the actions of her abusers. She believes she is not a victim; she is a loathsome, despicable, worthless human being__f indeed she even qualifies as human. When the abuse has been sadistic in nature...these beliefs are futher entrenched.

In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients were revealing childhood incest victimization to him. Freud concluded that child sexual abuse was one of the major causes of emotional disturbances in adult women and wrote a brilliant and humane paper called __he Aetiology of Hysteria._ However, rather than receiving acclaim from his colleagues for his ground-breaking insights, Freud met with scorn. He was ridiculed for believing that men of excellent reputation (most of his patients came from upstanding homes) could be perpetrators of incest.Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the __edipus complex,_ which became the foundation of modern psychology. According to this theory any young girl actually desires sexual contact with her father, because she wants to compete with her mother to be the most special person in his life. Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of incestuous abuse his clients had revealed to him had never taken place; they were simply fantasies of events the women had wished for when they were children and that the women had come to believe were real. This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women__ and children__ reports of mistreatment by men.Once abuse was denied in this way, the stage was set for some psychologists to take the view that any violent or sexually exploitative behaviors that couldn__ be denied__ecause they were simply too obvious__hould be considered mutually caused. Psychological literature is thus full of descriptions of young children who __educe_ adults into sexual encounters and of women whose __rovocative_ behavior causes men to become violent or sexually assaultive toward them.I wish I could say that these theories have long since lost their influence, but I can__. A psychologist who is currently one of the most influential professionals nationally in the field of custody disputes writes that women provoke men__ violence by __esisting their control_ or by __ttempting to leave._ She promotes the Oedipus complex theory, including the claim that girls wish for sexual contact with their fathers. In her writing she makes the observation that young girls are often involved in __utually seductive_ relationships with their violent fathers, and it is on the basis of such __esearch_ that some courts have set their protocols. The Freudian legacy thus remains strong.

Two-thirty comes during Testifying. It's Janine, telling about how she was gang-raped at fourteen and had an abortion.But whose fault was it? Aunt Helena says, holding up one plump finger. Her fault, her fault, her fault. We chant in unison. Who led them on? She did. She did. She did. Why did God allow such a terrible thing to happen? Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson.

She was so upset about a blog that maybe a total of six people read yet had no compassion for her granddaughters who had suffered the physical and emotional pains of sexual abuse and whose lives were changed forever. The two cannot even be compared, yet when someone is in denial about what happened, they cannot perceive what is true. It seemed too hard for her to let her mind go there and believe her grandson could do such terrible things.

Why me, then?_ I ask. __hy not Branley? She__ way hotter and was just as drunk as I was.__lex shakes her head as she sits back down. __hysical attractiveness has nothing to do with it. You were alone, isolated, and weak. The three of them had been watching girls all night, waiting for someone to separate from a group. It happened to be you, but it could__e been anyone else. Opportunity is what matters, nothing else. [_] I__ telling you, Claire. It doesn__ matter. What you were wearing. What you look like. Nothing. Watch the nature channel. Predators go for the easy prey.

People may not realize the damage that they are doing by placing the blame on the victim ~ but that doesn't lessen the damage that they cause by doing it.

Jokes and media slurs about rape and its survivors not only desensitize the issue but also have an impact on rape conviction rates!"Widespread __yths and stereotypes_ about rape victims may give jurors __reconceived ideas_ that could affect their decisions in court. When victims were demonised in the media, you can see how juries would bring their preconceptions to bear."-Alison Saunders, head of the Crown Prosecution Service, UK.

They were so thrilled when I said I__ a virgin,_ I blurt out. ____ so fucking stupid.__ start crying again, and Alex hands me a napkin. __ou__e not stupid,_ she says. __ou simply don__ assume people mean you harm.___eah, well._ I blow my nose loudly. __ast night that equaled being stupid.___o, it means you__e normal,_ Alex says.

Denial forces victims to retreat in lifeless existence, dieing in the shadows of buried trauma and painful memories.

One must consider that small children are virtually incapable of making much impact on their world. No matter what path taken as achild, survivors grow up believing they should have done something differently.Perhaps there is no greater form ofsurvivor guilt than __ didn't try to stop it." Or __ should have told." The legacy of a helpless, vulnerable, out-of-control, and humiliated child creates an adult who is generally tentative, insecure, and quite angry. The anger is not often expressed, however, as it is not safe to be angry with violent people. Confrontation and con_ct are dif_ult for many survivors.

The unique stigma of PTSD. The stigma of PTSD remains one of the most formidable barriers to effective care.

In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients were revealing childhood incest victimization to him. Freud concluded that child sexual abuse was one of the major causes of emotional disturbances in adult women and wrote a brilliant and humane paper called __he Aetiology of Hysteria._ However, rather than receiving acclaim from his colleagues for his ground-breaking insights, Freud met with scorn. He was ridiculed for believing that men of excellent reputation (most of his patients came from upstanding homes) could be perpetrators of incest.Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the __edipus complex,_ which became the foundation of modern psychology. According to this theory any young girl actually desires sexual contact with her father, because she wants to compete with her mother to be the most special person in his life. Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of incestuous abuse his clients had revealed to him had never taken place; they were simply fantasies of events the women had wished for when they were children and that the women had come to believe were real. This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women__ and children__ reports of mistreatment by men.

Shouldn't there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?

How could she love him after what he did to her? How could she contemplate taking him back?_ It__ sad that those are the first thoughts that run through our minds when someone is abused. Shouldn__ there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?

Holding one's self responsible is a critical feature in stigma and in the generation of shame since violation of standards, rules, and goals are insufficient in its elicitation unless responsibility can be placed on the self. Stigma may differ from other elicitors of shame and guilt, in part because it is a social appearance factor. The degree to which the stigma is socially apparent is the degree to which one must negotiate the issue of blame, not only for one's self but between one's self and the other who is witness to the stigma. Stigmatization is a much more powerful elicitor of shame and guilt in that it requires a negotiation not only between one's self and one's attributions, but between one's self and the attributions of others.

In books, coaching sessions, and networking events aimed at the white-collar unemployed, the seeker soon encounters ideologies that are explicitly hostile to any larger, social understanding of his or her situation. The most blatant of these, in my experience, was the EST-like, victim-blaming ideology represented by Patrick Knowles and the books he recommended to his boot-camp participants. Recall that at the boot camp, the timid suggestion that there might be an outer world defined by the market or ruled by CEOs was immediately rebuked; there was only us, the job seekers. It was we who had to change. In a milder form, the constant injunction to maintain a winning attitude carries the same message: look inward, not outward; the world is entirely what you will it to be.