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goodbye

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"

The stars are brilliant at this time of night and I wander these streets like a ritual I don__ dare to break for darling, the times are quite glorious.I left him by the water__ edge,still waving long after the ship was goneand if someone would have screamed my name I wouldn__ have heard for I__e said goodbye so many times in my short life that farewells are a muscular task and I__e taught them well. There__ a place by the side of the railway near the lake where I grew up and I used to go there to burry things and start anew. I used to go there to say goodbye. I was young and did not know many people but I had hidden things inside that I never dared to show and in silence I tried to kill them, one way or the other,leaving sin on my body scrubbing tears off with saltand I built my rituals in farewells. Endings I still cling to. So I go to the ocean to say goodbye.He left that morning, the last words still echoing in my headand though he said he__ come back one day I know a broken promise from a right onefor I have used them myself and there is no coming back.Minds like ours are can__ be tamed and the price for freedom is the price we pay.I turned away from the oceanas not to fall for its pleafor it used to seduce and consume meand there was this one nighta few years back and I was not yet accustomed to farewellsand just like now I stood waving long after the ship was gone.But I was younger then and easily fooledand the ocean was deep and dark and blueand I took my shoes off to let the water freeze my bones.I waded until I could no longer walk and it was too cold to swim but still I kept on walking at the bottom of the sea for I could not tell the difference between the ocean and the lack of someone I loved and I had not yet learned how the task of moving on is as necessary as survival.Then days passed by and I spent them with my work and now I__ writing letters I will never dare to send.But there is this one day every year or sowhen the burden gets too heavyand I collect my belongings I no longer needand make my way to the ocean to burn and drown and start anewand it is quite wonderful, setting fire to my chains and flames on written wordsand I stand there, starring deep into the heat until they__e all gone. Nothing left to hold me back.You kissed me that morning as if you__ never done it before and never would again and now I write another letter that I will never dare to send, collecting memories of loss like chains wrapped around my veins,and if you see a fire from the shore tonightit__ my chains going up in flames. The time of moon i quite glorious. We could have been so glorious.

"

Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say I was moving to London and told her she could have the house and everything else we owned, which wasn't much. I think she was as relieved as I was that I was leaving town for good.

CF
Craig Ferguson

American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

"

Dear Camryn,I never wanted it to be this way. I wanted to tell you these things myself, but I was afraid. I was afraid that if I told you out loud that I loved you, that what we had together would die with me. The truth is that I knew in Kansas that you were the one. I__e loved you since that day when I first looked up into your eyes as you glared down at me from over the top of that bus seat. Maybe I didn__ know it then, but I knew something had happened to me in that moment and I could never let you go.I have never lived the way I lived during my short time with you. For the first time in my life, I__e felt whole, alive, free. You were the missing piece of my soul, the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins. I think that if past lives are real then we have been lovers in every single one of them. I__e known you for a short time, but I feel like I__e known you forever.I want you to know that even in death I__l always remember you. I__l always love you. I wish that things could__e turned out differently. I thought of you many nights on the road. I stared up at the ceiling in the motels and pictured what our life might be like together if I had lived. I even got all mushy and thought of you in a wedding dress and even with a mini me in your belly. You know, I always heard that sex is great when you__e pregnant. ;-)But I__ sorry that I had to leave you, Camryn. I__ so sorry_I wish the story of Orpheus and Eurydice was real because then you could come to the Underworld and sing me back into your life. I wouldn__ look back. I wouldn__ fuck it up like Orpheus did.I__ so sorry, baby_I want you to promise me that you__l stay strong and beautiful and sweet and caring. I want you to be happy and find someone who will love you as much as I did. I want you to get married and have babies and live your life. Just remember to always be yourself and don__ be afraid to speak your mind or to dream out loud.I hope you__l never forget me.One more thing: don__ feel bad for not telling me that you loved me. You didn__ need to say it. I knew all along that you did.Love Always,Andrew Parrish

"

I drag the body out into the snowdrifts, as far away from our shack as I can muster. I put her in a thicket of trees, where the green seems to still have a voice in the branches, and try not to think about the beasts that__l soon be gathering. There__ no way of burying her; the ground is a solid rock of ice beneath us.I kneel beside her and want desperately to weep. My throat tightens and my head aches. Everything hurts inside. But I have no way of releasing it. I__ locked up and hard as stone.____ sorry, Mamma,_ I whisper to the shell in front of me. I take her hand. It could belong to a glass doll. There__ no life there anymore. So I gather rocks, one by one, and set them over her, trying my best to protect her from the birds, the beasts, keep her safe as much as I can now. I pile the dark stones gently on her stomach, her arms, and over her face, until she becomes one with the mountain. I stand and study my work, feeling like the rocks are on me instead, then I leave the body for the forest and ice.

"

Addio, Dann. Addio, piccolo signor Rail, che mi hai insegnato la vita. Avevi ragione tu: non siamo morti. Non è possibile morire vicino a te. Perfino Mormy ha aspettato che tu fossi lontano per farlo. Adesso sono io che vado lontano. E non sar_ vicino a te che morirò. Addio, mio piccolo signore, che sognavi i treni e sapevi dov'era l'infinito. Tutto quel che c'era io l'ho visto, guardando te. E sono stata ovunque, stando con te. _ una cosa che non riuscirò a spiegare mai a nessuno. Ma è così. Me la porterò dietro, e sar_ il mio segreto più bello. Addio, Dann. Non pensarmi mai, se non ridendo. Addio.