gone

But I am tired of everyone being gone, and I am tired of everything that has tired me out for the last five years of my life.

And in this moment of pale dawn in the hours before we leave California, I finally realize what has been the hardest thing for me about Matt__ death. It isn__ that I lost a brother, like Frankie, or a son, like Aunt Jayne and Uncle Red. The hardest thing is that I__l never know exactly what I lost, how much it should hurt, how long I should keep thinking about him. He took that mystery with him when he died, and a hundred thousand one-sided letters in my journal wouldn__ have brought me any closer to the truth than I was the night I pressed my fingers to the sea glass he wore around his neck and kissed him back. For over a year, the letters were my only connection to him; the only evidence that I didn__ imagine our brief time as other. When I first saw my journal helplessly floating on the waves, I felt a loss so immediate and overwhelming it was like being back in the hospital lobby when the doctor told us they couldn__ fix him. One minute, the journal was in my hands, soft and familiar and real; the next minute, it was gone. Just like Matt. And just like Matt, I need to let it go.

The wisdom of age is bitter when those you have failed have gone.

What I have learned lately is that people deal with death in all sorts of ways. Some of us fight against it, doing everything we can to make it not true. Some of us lose our selves to grief. Some of us lose ourselves to anger.

me ... no me .. gone is gone , and i'm gone .. alone is alone .. it's so bad to feel alone , but i'm alone .. me , no more .. no more exist , but i don't exist , not anymore ! Good morning

The serious people have gone, I build my team again and again I just the un-sirious people if this is sirious let's see a bus which can be handled in the air by the weakest person on the Earth.

So when I watch trains, it makes me think about how much movement there is in the world. How every train has dozens of cars and every car has hundreds of parts, and all those parts and cars work day after day. And then there are all these other motions. People are born and die. Seasons change. Rivers flow to the sea. Earth circles the sun and the moon circles Earth. Everything whirring and spinning toward something. And I get to be part of it for a little while, the way I get to watch a train for a minute or two, and then it's gone.

May be you are gone,but that doesn__ make me come back

It takes time, or does time take it?

God knew our lives would be really bad sometimes. Like maybe we'd be turned into a monster and then our best friend would get killed. So he made up this story about hell, so we could always say, 'Well it could be worse. It could be hell.' And then we'd keep going.

That wouldn't be a bad way to die...giving off light for millions of years after you're gone.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

The dark sky.A hundred million stars.More stars than I__e ever seen before. My eyes let me see farther, but they don__ show me the one thing I want to see. I would trade all the stars in the universe if I could just have him back again.Wind whistles through the trees nearby. Birdsong weaves in and out of the sound.The hybrids emerge from the communication building, heads tilted to the sky.And then we see the end.Godspeed__ engine was nuclear; who knows what fueled the biological weapons. But they explode together. In space, they don__ make the familiar mushroom cloud. They don__ make the boom! of an exploding bomb.There is, against the dark sky, a brief flash of light. It is filled with colors, like a nebula or the aurora borealis, bursting like a popped bubble.Nothing else__o sound of an explosion, no tremors in the earth, no smell of smoke. Not here, on the surface of the planet.Nothing else to signify Elder__ death.Just light.And then it__ gone.And then he__ gone.

It did occur to him that perhaps he__ gone to the wrong Academy _ the guys in the Space Fleet always had more interesting stories to tell at the spaceport bars. You know, tales about the dude who got vaporized in a plasma accident in the engineering section, or the fella who got turned into a blob of weird space jelly by some alien virus _ or the time someone flew a starship into an astor-field at warp four by mistake (they were still trying to find the black box on that one). The Imperial Space Fleet__ recruiting office sure didn__ go around advertising __oin up, see the universe, meet interesting aliens and die screaming_, but it was known there were risks involved. It was part of the job after all, and yet somehow, they still got recruits signing up in droves. Yes, indeedy _ the stories were far more interesting than his _ took a load of ore to Gorda, took a load of mining equipment back to Tordrazil. Took a load of Florpavian Flame-birds to a zoo on Deanna, took a load of machinery to Salus. Picked up and dropped off a few passengers on the way. Still, Florpavian Flame-birds were a risky cargo_ and damned tricky to transport _ which is probably the only reason he__ had any entertainment at all on the last trip.

If God gives you a Quiznos, can I have a bite? No way. You have to pray for your own food.

In a very tragic kind of way, sometimes things have to be gone before I fully realize that they were ever there.

We are somebody__ memories when we are gone,

I looked at sky this morning and realized summer is almost gone which really made me sad because it doesn't seem as though its been here at all.