Wendy Morgan

I don't believe in astrology - of course that's very typical of Leos.

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.

I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?

As a woman I resent the fact that in golf if I have the highest score I'm the loser.

My golf is getting better all the time. Today I parred all but sixteen holes.

If there's a God why are there such things as famine and The Jerry Springer Show.

He is so aware of being politically correct he refers to a taco as Hispanic food.

I was chosen to speak today based on my senility.

A lot of you want me to hurry through the introduction. That's because you're so much older you don't want to waste a minute of your life.

If any of you are related to our main guest let me know so I can speak slowly.

I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."

He says he's not broke but he is trying to sell his kidney and corneas.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks.

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.

They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?

My husband lost a lot of weight on a new diet and I resent it. It's simple he just doesn't eat when I'm talking.

I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.