Tina Fey

And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women - except, of course __hose who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape __it ___ stuff, But for everybody else, it__ a win-win. Unless you__e a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years - whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know - actually, I take it back. The whole thing__ a disaster.

Whitney Houston__ cover of __ Will Always Love You_ was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society_unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

Some people say, __ever let them see you cry._ I say, if you__e so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. __ou don__ know their situation,_ my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn__ even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald__ food turns into cold nonfood.

Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? ____ not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I__ just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I__ like to cut your chest open._ The crowd cheers.

Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.

I grew up in a family of Republicans. And when I was 18 and registering to vote, my mom's only instruction was 'You just go in and pull the big Republican lever.' That's my welcome to adulthood. She's like, 'No, don't even read it. Just pull the Republican lever.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.

I'm not that good looking... nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.

When I was really young, I loved the movie 'White Christmas' - I still do - and I thought Rosemary Clooney was so pretty. When I was, like, nine, I would tell people, 'You know who I kind of look like? Rosemary Clooney.'

Most of the time you're too busy to think about it. But every now and then you say, 'I work at 'Saturday Night Live,' and that is so cool.

I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, 'Yeah, I'm not cool enough for the West Village.'

For my first show at 'SNL', I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn't getting any laughs. This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, 'Okay, that happened, and I did not die.' You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.