Tina Fey

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, 'Hey, check out my zit!' - you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to.

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.

I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep.

I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I'm with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That's basically how we're doing it.

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you're asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

I have a suspicion - and hear me out, 'cause this is a rough one - I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore. The only person I can think of that has escaped the "crazy" moniker is Betty White, which, obviously, is because people still want to have sex with her.

I would not trade any of these features for anybody else__. I wouldn__ trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn__ even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

It was a major and deeply embarrassing teenage revelation. It must be how straight teenage boys feel when they realize those boobs they like have heads attached to them.

As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. __o, we can__ do that._ __o, that__ not in the budget._ __o, I will not hold your hand for a dollar._ What kind of way is that to live?

By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your fucking life.

It's one thing to be a wisecracking precocious teen hanging out with twenty-seven year olds.It's another thing to get in the way of a grown man trying to get laid.

I have a strong urge to lie down and pretend this is not happening__ike the old couple in Titanic.

There's a Drunk Midget in My HouseAh, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!

There are different types of fancy photographers. Some are big, fun personalities like Mario Testino, who once told me, __ift your chin, darling, you are not eighteen._ I enjoyed his honesty. Also, I__ pretty sure he says that to models who are nineteen.

Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. ...It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they've crossed into puberty? If so, it's working.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Lorne knows that the most exhausting people occasionally turn out the best stuff.

(Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said "bullshit," which was and is awesome.)