Rachel Ward

You get use to someone__tart to like them, even__nd they leave. In the end, everyone leaves.

However cozy things seemed, the facts of life were the same. You couldn't escape death: It would get us all in the end.

We all know we're one day closer to the end when we wake up in the morning. We just kid ourselves that it's not happening.

People just don't seem to get me. Don't understand that I need my space. Always telling me what to do. They think rules and routines and clean hands and your p's and q's will make everything all right. They haven't got a clue.

Part of me wanted this more than anything else in the world__o have someone to hang out with, be like everyone else for a while. The rest of me screamed to get the hell out of there, not to get sucked in.

And just when I though things were starting to get better, everything had gone wrong again.

And then, a strangely comforting thought trickled through me__ had nothing, so I could do anything now. Anything I wanted. I had nothing left to lose.

I can't stand men crying. It's wrong, isn't it? Their faces aren't made for it, they kind of crumple; it's painful to watch.

It's okay to talk about it. Death is so normal, I don't know why everyone gets so hung up about it. We all have to deal with it. Most people that you talk to have lost someone, but nobody talks about it.

How easy to be a bird or an animal, living from day to day, unaware you're alive, unaware that one day you will die.

My best day ever. Got up. Had breakfast. Came to school. Bored, as usual. Wishing I wasn't there, like usual. Kids ignoring me, suits me fine. Sitting with the other retards__e__e so special. Wasting my time. Yesterday was the same, and it's gone, anyway. Tomorrow may never come. There is only today. This is the best day and the worst day. Actually it's crap.

He loved me and I loved him, but the number in my head was telling me that he was going to die today. And the numbers had never been wrong.

I was tired of being me.

I don't understand, Jem. I don't understand why you'd leave me. Why would you that?

Life's not that simple. Not so easy to move on when the anger you've got is what keeps you going.